The Violet's Edge

...and she's off...

2009-06-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

fur·lough (fûr'lō)

–noun
1.Military. a vacation or leave of absence granted to an enlisted person.
2.a usually temporary layoff from work: Many plant workers have been forced to go on furlough.
3.a temporary leave of absence authorized for a prisoner from a penitentiary.

–verb (used with object)
4.to grant a furlough to.
5.to lay (an employee or worker) off from work, usually temporarily.

Today was my first official day off on a week long furlough. I have promised myself to NOT be so emotionally raked over the proverbial coals this time. The economy takes a toll on my psyche quite often and furlough days can just send me into a complete spiral. So, to counteract the possibilities, I am trying to keep busy. Tomorrow, I go back to my new natureopath and then maybe I'll walk around downtown a bit ? I also plan to grab my camera and head off to the The Oregon Garden on Wednesday or Thursday for some exploring and fun. Egads, and I have a stack of books begging to be read ! I have to consciously attempt to not allow myself to get too up in my head. I need to remember to breath, relax and enjoy the time off.

Breath.

Hubby and I are going to do a Harry Potter marathon too ! Snacks, drinks and the whole set of HP dvds back to back ! We're geeks !

I've been SO up in my head and I continue to mean to get on here to work through it. That, as silly as it sounds, just feels HUGE. I mean, putting the demons in my head onto paper - to run and jump about - in the broad daylight for ALL to see ?!. Uff....that's big. I haven't gotten that brave yet. I do keep taunting and threatening my head with calling someone to help, but haven't gotten *that* brave yet either.

Somethings gotta give.

I'll be back here in the next few days to report my progress...I promise.

ZOMG, before I go though - srsly ! I downloaded and have attempted to reacquaint myself with Anarchy Online because well.....I have time. What a piece of crap game >.< I should be a kinder, gentler kind of player - but wow. Bad graphics, confusing game play, dumb UI.

That, my friend, is NO way to spend a week off unpaid.

Turning the page

2009-05-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

That title bothers me because it doesn't necessarily say what I want it to. My original thought process was, "Do you ever get to a point in your life when you know you can't keep doing what you're doing and that changes need to be made ?"

I'm there.

"Turning the page" is so dramatic and forlorn and that's just not the tone I'm trying to fill you with. Just more of a "I'm tired and I'm not going to take it anymore". Oh, that's good. I *am* tired. I *don't* want to take it anymore.

So the weekend began as gloriously as most weekends do. Options galore and an amazing amount of free time to do with as I please. I embroidered quite a bit because I wanted to finish my Mother's Day gift (pics of that later once I'm reunited with my camera). I'm quite pleased with the way it turned out, but I do really need to take out her lips and redo. Why did I think pale pink was the way to go ? Pfft. Her glory is quieted by her pale lips. Anyway, Saturday was leisurely sublime. I embroidered, watched Repo! The Genetic Opera, watered plants, cleaned the carpets and just enjoyed the day.

Today *cry* I have been plagued with heartburn. Not the normal "meh, I am uncomfortable" type of heartburn but the "omg, I wonder what's wrong with me" type of heartburn. I have been reading too much, imagining the horrific tests *they* are going to want to do and have visions of Clockwork Orange floating in my brain.

*pout*

Friday night and Saturday night = no good sleep. I woke up a lot and just didn't get a restful night's sleep. Today I am feeling cheated of my weekend.

Weekends such as this make me wonder if I'm in the right frame of mind. I've needed help before and sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off with more help ? I find myself so engaged in the internal drama and the infinite sadness that I wonder if this is too much for a girl like me to handle. Another reoccurring dilemma that flitters about in my brain once in awhile yet commonly left often unspoken is the number of nervous breakdowns that have happened in my family.

I have to wonder - how far is too far ?

...and compounded with my stomach issues (which like a Woody Allen movie, I am sure it's an ulcer) I have to contemplate that it's time I take care of ME.

NOW.

*moment of silence*

Back to Clockwork....the horrific things they shall do.

*sigh*

I'm better than this.

fin.

Springy Springtime! - Sublime Stitching Tote

2009-05-02T19:33:00.001-07:00

It was time to jump back into embroidery. I've always admired Sublime Stitching's work and since friending her on FB, I've gotten the itch to start something. Then, she posted the above bag - and I HAD to have it. Like now. Since then, I've dusted off my beloved books, brought out the box o' floss and sharpened my needles. THEN, coincidentally and like a sign from the floss fairy, the power went out so I happily found myself lounging in bed stitching away with no other possible distraction.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself visually assaulted with the occasional stitching project here. I mean, everything in moderation, right ?

Oh my...

2009-04-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

Strawberry Empanadas
adapted from the InterCourses Cookbook*

1/4 cup reduced fat cream cheese
2 tablespoons brown sugar (I like dark)
2/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh strawberries
1 6-count package refrigerated crescent rolls

Topping (optional)
1 pat of butter
1 tablespoon cinnamon/sugar mix

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Blend the cream cheese and brown sugar in a small bowl. Gently fold in chopped strawberries.
3. Unroll the crescent dough, separating the six triangular pieces. Plop about a tablespoon of the cream cheese filling into the middle of the widest part of the triangle. Fold up the bottom, crimping the side, then wrap the remaining dough around the bundle. Make sure there's no holes where the filling can leak out.
4. Bake for 16-19 minutes, until golden brown and puffy.
5. If you want to use topping, brush the pat of butter gently over the top of oven-warm pastry, then sprinkle with a little of the cinnamon/sugar mix.

Makes 6 Strawberry Empanadas

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

This delectable idea brought to you via hand/eye/mind/mouth. Visit for pics <3

A horse with no name...

2009-04-22T18:25:00.000-07:00

At work we listen to a "work friendly" radio station -- Charlie 97.1 - "we play everything" - that's their tag line. And yes, they do. From Prince, to America, to Ratt, to god knows what. Anyway, they play "A Horse With No Name" by America once in awhile. Every time I hear it, it sits with me for a while after and kind of wraps itself around my frontal lobe and cuddles. So, today it comes on and I realize that it's making its way into my head again and I need to know what the hell it is ! I google the lyrics I can grab and find out it's America.

Who knew.

This is the first song I knowingly realize is by America.

Who knew.

Anyway, it's rad. Someone needs to redo this song....someone ? Hmmm....I'll have to ponder that idea.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Last time we spoke, I was ranting about food, eating habits (or lack thereof) and self inflicted restraints. I don't know if I want to talk about that right now. It's a big topic and one that I have so many thoughts on. It's annoying. Big. Annoying. Somewhat on the topic, we got 6 boxes - we're talking roughly 72 DOZEN - cookies from one of my clients. They are closing one of their production facilities in our area and apparently have a ton of product to either dump, give away or donate. Insane and bordering on gross.

Well, that was a tangent. Stay with me here.

I've discussed dreams before - pondered them in print. It's odd how they can hang with you so intensely. I dreamed of being in my old room last night. My door wouldn't stay closed for some reason. I kept trying to shove folded pieces of paper in to keep it closed. My mom kept knocking, coming in, giving me folded clothes to put away, etc. I was alone in my room with a boy. I was never allowed to be alone in my room with a boy. *squee* But the door would not cooperate. The funny thing is, in this dream, I was whisked back to being 16, giddy and goofy. Trying to be grownup but annoyed far too much to keep my composure.

Weird.

Eat Me.

2009-04-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

This thread was going to be titled, "Eat Me" ala Alice in Wonderland, but I figured that might be too in your face. So as I start writing, it goes unnamed. I was just in the kitchen preparing meatloaf for dinner and got to thinking about eating, the (in)ability to eat and/or restrictions that we put on ourselves all in the name of eating. I don't mean restrictions to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I mean....other restrictions.

Wait, wait....wait. Let me get my thought process started at the beginning and we'll finish at the end - shall we ?

So the last time I was visiting my parents, I noticed that my Dad had his crusts cut off his sandwich. Seemingly surprised, I asked why. Because it gets too tough to chew with his dentures. Makes sense. I actually felt a little sheepish for asking, but moved past it. Today, as we talked on the phone, Mom mentioned a recipe for Lavender Biscotti and Dad quickly added, "oh, I love biscotti".

Huh.

"But it's so hard" ?

Silence. On to next topic.

As I mixed up the meatloaf, I was deep in thought of how eating is tied up in so many things for us as humans. We get nourished by food, not only physically, but emotionally. We eat a certain type of food and we're instantly whisked back to a time in our past that holds dear to our heart.....or not. Depending on how our family ate definitely is embedded in how we eat now, as adults. I've always been proud of the fact that as a child, dinner was a very important time in our house. 5:00pm came and if I wasn't home with a good reason, there was going to be hell to pay. We sat down as a family, recounted our days, and shared a home cooked meal. From scratch - fresh, international, interesting meals. We laughed, we cried, we yelled or we just ate and enjoyed the company. Either way, eating dinner together has been ingrained in me as something that is important.

The food we ate didn't follow a low-carb/low-fat/gluten-free/vegan/vegetarian or otherwise restricted regime. It was whole food. Unprocessed and uncompromised.

Here is where things get confusing.

As a species, how can we have so many different ways of eating ? Forgive me, I'm not a specialist in dietary needs or restrictions - but when you stop to think about it, it's really interesting how we all have such different ideas/needs on what to eat. I am lead to wonder if all the processed-quickie types of foods have hurt us to the point of desperately grasping at a new allergy ?

Personally, I had felt like I found a health mecca when I was first introduced to low-carb. After battling internally the LC concept for literally years, I gave in and saw my body transform. It was amazing, shocking, it grasped at my psyche like a drug. I dreamed of hot, crusty bread and fought the urge to eat any sugar at all. As with any drug, once it's out of your system, the cravings subside. I was at one with my desires and was ready to take on the world. The thing is, avoiding carbs and sugar is really tough and I really started questioning my need for them. Not my desire to have them in all that I eat, but in moderation. My dietary need for the variety.

Dad has always said, "Everything in moderation" and I have to agree with that idea. Carbs can't be the enemy. Carbs in extreme are the enemy. Huge amounts of sugar in all that we eat is the enemy.

Where am I going with this ?

Oi. I think this post is going to need a "Part 2".

Seriously, it's time for mashed potatoes, meatloaf and brussels spouts !

And for the record, it's being titled EAT ME.

In Love, Part II

2009-04-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

It's the weekend. I know, in reality, that every weekend is glorious in its own special way. Each Friday brings about a new excitement, hopes, dreams, books to read, seeds to sow, games to play, dragons to slay and drinks to sip.

I digress, *this* weekend is the first weekend of warm, sunny weather here in Portland. And while I'm not a fan of bright, basking types of days, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I have little sprouted seeds to plant outside and a bookstore that is calling my name. I have an awkward stack of books next to the bed and a head full of weird items that really should hit paper soon. I have toes that whimper to be painted, legs that need a shaving, a funny faded mess of red hair that would love yet another dye job and a pocket full of change...?.....no, I don't have a pocket full of change. One other thing I do have is a desk full of perfume bottles that have not been unpacked. They need places too !

Oh, and I have a pizza in the oven (right here right now) and not one, but TWO movies that we've never watched just waiting patiently on the coffee table. While they are not amazing movies, they are the new James Bond and Bedtime Stories.

...and I have a glass of Stoly and Diet Pepsi next to me.

I also have a twitchy right eye o.O left over from the stress or something.

In Love....

2009-04-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

So, I take a gander at my sad, lonely blog and I'm in love all over again. Ooooh, how the words slide together like oiled cucumbers wrapped in cling wrap...the way the fontalicious images explode in my brain. I love it !

It's been a while. A long while. My brain has been working overtime and I'm ready for the ideas to hit screen soon. Funny how other things/items/time-consuming-crap can take over one's time in no time flat.

I have big plans for a better update in the morning....from my laptop, at work, with my hand wrapped around a cup of green tea.

Until then, sweet dreams and may Chef rock your socks.

I'll miss you, Bettie.

2008-12-12T06:50:00.000-08:00

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85
By BOB THOMAS Bob Thomas
Thu Dec 11, 11:56 pm ET

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, said her agent, Mark Roesler. He said he and Page's family agreed to remove life support. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

"She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," Roesler said. "She is the embodiment of beauty."

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," Playboy founder Hugh Hefner told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She was a very dear person."

Page mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for decades, during which time she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

"I don't want to be photographed in my old age," she told an interviewer in 1998. "I feel the same way with old movie stars. ... It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young."

The 21st century indeed had people remembering her just as she was. She became the subject of songs, biographies, Web sites, comic books, movies and documentaries. A new generation of fans bought thousands of copies of her photos, and some feminists hailed her as a pioneer of women's liberation.

Gretchen Mol portrayed her in 2005's "The Notorious Bettie Page" and Paige Richards had the role in 2004's "Bettie Page: Dark Angel." Page herself took part in the 1998 documentary "Betty Page: Pinup Queen."

Hefner said he last saw Page when he held a screening of "The Notorious Bettie Page" at the Playboy Mansion. He said she objected to the fact that the film referred to her as "notorious," but "we explained to her that it referred to the troubled times she had and was a good way to sell a movie."

Page's career began one day in October 1950 when she took a respite from her job as a secretary in a New York office for a walk along the beach at Coney Island. An amateur photographer named Jerry Tibbs admired the 27-year-old's firm, curvy body and asked her to pose.

Looking back on the career that followed, she told Playboy in 1998: "I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It's just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous."

Nudity didn't bother her, she said, explaining: "God approves of nudity. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they were naked as jaybirds."

In 1951, Page fell under the influence of a photographer and his sister who specialized in S&M. They cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature and posed her in spiked heels and little else. She was photographed with a whip in her hand, and in one session she was spread-eagled between two trees, her feet dangling.

"I thought my arms and legs would come out of their sockets," she said later.

Moralists denounced the photos as perversion, and Sen. Estes Kefauver of Tennessee, Page's home state, launched a congressional investigation.

Page quickly retreated from public view, later saying she was hounded by federal agents who waved her nude photos in her face. She also said she believed that, at age 34, her days as "the girl with the perfect figure" were nearly over.

She moved to Florida in 1957 and married a much younger man, as an early marriage to her high school sweetheart had ended in divorce.

Her second marriage also failed, as did a third, and she suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1959, she was lying on a sea wall in Key West when she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian.

After attending Bible school, she wanted to serve as a missionary but was turned down because she had been divorced. Instead, she worked full-time for evangelist Billy Graham's ministry.

A move to Southern California in 1979 brought more troubles.

She was arrested after an altercation with her landlady, and doctors who examined her determined she had acute schizophrenia. She spent 20 months in a state mental hospital in San Bernardino.

A fight with another landlord resulted in her arrest, but she was found not guilty because of insanity. She was placed under state supervision for eight years.

"She had a very turbulent life," Todd Mueller, a family friend and autograph seller, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She had a temper to her."

Mueller said he first met Page after tracking her down in the 1990s and persuaded her to do an autograph signing event.

He said she was a hit and sold about 3,000 autographs, usually for $200 to $300 each.

"Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40 to $50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all," he told The AP last week.

Born April 22, 1923, in Nashville, Tenn., Page said she grew up in a family so poor "we were lucky to get an orange in our Christmas stockings."

The family included three boys and three girls, and Page said her father molested all of the girls.

After the Pages moved to Houston, her father decided to return to Tennessee and stole a police car for the trip. He was sent to prison, and for a time Betty lived in an orphanage.

In her teens she acted in high school plays, going on to study drama in New York and win a screen test from 20th Century Fox before her modeling career took off.

___

Associated Press writers Denise Petski and Raquel Maria Dillon contributed to this report.

Time is fleeting...

2008-12-02T19:08:00.001-08:00

...so I felt this was appropriate. I love the Baz Luhrmann version. As I was alone in the office the other day listening to my radio station, this came on and just seemed appropriate. I've been somewhat melancholy lately and the words just fit perfectly...

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Realllllllly......

2008-11-25T06:50:00.000-08:00

I'm still here.

*cursor blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblinkkkkkkkkkk*

*blinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk*

Clatter

2008-11-02T18:43:00.000-08:00

The inconvenience is mine, she said.

I paid my toll and shuffled about, waiting for the next taxi. I got bored and I filed my nails and bit my lip until it bled. I spent what seemed like years prolifically watching your neurological blips trying to find the pattern to the crazed emotions and outwardly retained ego, to no avail. Just when I thought I could not go on any longer - not for another nanosecond - the sparkly ethereal would catch my eye and the same mundane process would begin.

Again.

It's like wandering in the dark, so often without a warm thought or a cold, snippy word to lash out with. Eyes like the slits of a snake - racing, tracing, pacing in the murk that was left for me (just me) only to find that the road is not a road and my thoughts are not my thoughts but perhaps an obscure dream of yesterday (scrawled lazily on the wall in an inky black smear) that I can't completely recall no matter how hard I try.

Everyday is Halloween

2008-10-31T08:49:00.001-07:00

It's been too long since an update ! So here I am to wish everyone a happy happy Halloween and fill your brains with some tasty tidbits of daydreams.

The leaves in Oregon are beautiful right about now....well, I should say until yesterday. The rains have arrived today and it's going to be a leafy, squishy mess here pretty soon. The colours are those of New England - it's truly amazing and has quickly reaffirmed why this is my favourite time of year. I looove the rain too, so as you can imagine, I'm a giddy mess today.

The economy is really screwing with my recruiting mojo. The desperation level in Oregon is reaching maximum capacity. Companies are laying off, individuals are scrounging for anything they can find. I've had accountants, executive admins trying to convince me that I should consider them for a crappy warehouse position that pays $10/hour. *sigh* It makes things so tough - aside from the obvious, but it seriously makes me anxious to see so much desperation in the air.

Speaking of people looking for work, I had a cool interview with a guy this week that plays with Unfallen Heroes. We started discussing old school punk - Bad Religion, The Germs, Black Flag....and he said I should check them out. He dropped off a CD yesterday and they totally rock ! If you want to check out some local Portland talent, have a listen to them. (They have a few songs on their MySpace page). Thanks for the CD, Chris !

WoW and my little night elf druid has been keeping me entertained as I make the crawl to 70. I'm currently 59 and way too into it. Who knew I'd find a druid so exciting ? I suppose it's because they are so versatile and I'm really loving leatherworking and not to mention, the pure adrenaline of waiting for the Lich King ! So many new, cool things happening in game. It's hard NOT to be a totally geeky gamer grrl with the current electronic climate.

Speaking of being a geek, I got Fallout 3 yesterday :D I haven't played it yet (see above) but it came in the cutest little metal lunchbox and a bobble head Pip ! I have the "Making Of" with me today, so I'll check that out later to get my interest peaked a bit more.

Happy Halloween !

Stuffed Bell Peppers !

2008-10-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

So, in times of need (aka diet) comes ingenuity. This recipe originally was labeled "Orzo Stuffed Bell Peppers" but I've modified it and made it better (IMO).

The participants in this play:

Prestuffing:

Blessed by Buddha prior to the oven:

...And upon leaving the oven:

The recipe:

Stuffed Bell Peppers

1 (28-ounce) can Italian tomatoes or diced tomatoes
2 zucchini, grated
1 lb. Italian sausage
red pepper flakes, to taste
1/8 cup chopped fresh mint leaves
1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano, plus more for sprinkling
dash of Tom's Hot Sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1-2 cups chicken broth
6 sweet bell peppers (red, orange or yellow)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Pour the tomatoes into a large bowl and break apart using a pair of kitchen shears or your finger tips. Add the zucchini, mint, cheese, olive oil, garlic, Tom's, salt, and pepper. Stir to combine.

Meanwhile, brown the sausage with a sprinkling of red pepper flakes until done. Stir the sausage into the vegetable mix to combine.

Slice the tops off the peppers and remove all ribs and seeds. Cut a very thin slice from the base to help the peppers stand up.

Place the peppers in the baking dish surrounded with the chicken broth. Spoon the mixture into the peppers. Cover the dish with foil and bake for 45 minutes. Remove the foil, sprinkle the top of each pepper with cheese and continue baking until the cheese is golden, about 15 minutes. Remove from the oven, carefully transfer the stuffed pepper to a serving plate.

Cranky and a headache !

2008-10-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

Uff....stand back.

I started South Beach on Monday and I must have forgotten how CRANKY one can become after a few days with no carbs. I have a headache and I am peeing every 5 minutes but dammit, I'm down 4 pounds and it's day 4 !

Other than that, it's been a blurry week. The rain has officially returned to Portland and it's cooled down quite nicely. That means better sleep and better moods . I guess I'm the only freak alive who is absolutely in love with the rain. I definitely get giddy when it's gray and rainy.

Gray and rainy with no carbs.....ya, not so much.

There is something so satisfying with having apparent control over what you eat. I'm not *hungry* and it becomes quite obvious that most of the *bad* things I want are because of urges that have nothing to do with hunger. It seems to be something along the lines of texture, warmth, because I think I need a "reward" or because it's what I eat when I'm doing _____ . Like watching TV - the perfect time to snack on something sweet or have a beer. What about watching TV and drinking water ? Once I'm passed it, I'm still as satisfied, I enjoyed whatever it was I was watching just as much and whatever I do after is typically what I would do even if I would have eaten that cookie...or drank that beer. And maybe I feel better because I didn't eat/drink it.

*sigh*

It's all emotional. Really.

Best Meatloaf Evah

2008-10-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

You heard that right, evah.

I didn't really foresee such a post. You know, about meatloaf but I made this last weekend and Roderic asked for it again this weekend. Really, it's that good.

Brown Sugar Meatloaf

INGREDIENTS
* 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/2 cup ketchup
* Tom's Hot Sauce (to taste)
* 2 pounds lean ground beef
* 3/4 cup milk
* 2 eggs
* 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
* 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
* 1 shallot, chopped
* 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
* 1 cup finely crushed Ritz crumbs

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 5x9 inch loaf pan.
2. Press the brown sugar in the bottom of the prepared loaf pan and spread the ketchup over the sugar. I like to add Tom's HS to the ketchup and also to the meat mixture - how much is up to you.
3. In a mixing bowl, mix all remaining ingredients thoroughly and press into the loaf pan over ketchup.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour or until juices are clear.

One crazy thing I did this time was used cottage cheese to replace the milk (since we had no milk) and I'm hoping this is going to work. I'm all about guerrilla cooking.

I'll report back =)

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-10-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

So incredibly tired. I'm a lunatic, seriously. Laughing, giggling, blabbing on and on about nonsense as my friends and coworkers stare on with confused expressions.

It's been a week and I haven't had a *normal* nights sleep. I've had a variety of distractions and interruptions that have barred me from just sleeping. I've made the Mr. crazy in bed (and not in a good way) because I've tossed or turned or snored or talked in my sleep. (or, the quilt is too "heavy", but that's another post).

So we have Mercury in retrograde until October 15th. That can screw everything up but I don't know if *that's* really it. I imagine it's the change from Summer to Fall. I mean, what else can it be other than writing it off as a nondescript "bad week" ?

I love the fall and winter. Like in a crazy, excited way. I can feel it in the very pit of my core...the butterflies start and I can barely hold myself in check. I find myself being torn into a million different memories as I sniff the air and watch the leaves slowly change from green to a myriad variations of red and gold.

This is MY time. I know Spring/Summer is the time that so many seem to love - the sun, the warmth and fun times. But for me, rain is energizing. Snow is amazing. A cold, rainy Saturday is the best weekend I can think of ! So I'm looking forward to slipping back into the comfort of Fall and Winter.

...and I have to acknowledge that it's one big plus of moving to Oregon. It's cooler here and the chances for snow are better than in my beloved Danville.

Let it snow ! (but for all that is holy, let me get a good night's sleep, please)

The Fallout of Amazon

2008-09-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Like so few things in life, this gives me an absolute giddy-as-a-schoolgirl-feeling....

Fallout 3 has a release date of October 28th and I've preordered my collector's edition copy :) Sadly, it's not in the original turn based, overhead view style, but I still think it's exciting. Even more exciting would have been if they would have released this as a MMORPG. At that point, I would have screeched and passed out with a grin on my face. That's ok though, you can't always get what you want (but you can try sometimes). Along with the game, I'm getting a bobble head Pip Boy, a metal lunch box and a book - woot !

I also added The Host to my Amazon order. I had a brief internal struggle with ordering this, but whatever, I went ahead and did it. I also have Dark Lover (thanks Mels) and Hairstyles of the Damned on the way. And for audio enjoyment, Brazilian Groove. Putumayo World Music has some great CD's. I learned of them from driving around with our real estate agent of all people. We found Brazilian Lounge at Powell's yesterday, but realized that Brazilian Groove was the one I really liked, so I had to remedy that. We also got French Café which is nice too.

It's a lovely, lazy Sunday. I plan to try a new recipe for meatloaf tonight - so I'll report back with pictures and commentary. I also got fingerling potatoes from Trader Joe's that I can't wait to try.

Enjoy !

Running Like Hell

2008-09-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've officially committed myself to participating in the Run Like Hell 5k Race in Portland on Oct. 19th. The good thing is, this will force me to do some training, buy some new running shoes (which I've been putting off for a few months) and get some resemblance of exercise in my life. Woot ! I don't foresee dressing up, but I might surprise you.

I went back to Taglio Salon last night and saw Terra. She's awesome and does a great job with hair. After an ever-so-slight nudge, I ended up minus 5 inches. It's a bit of a shock to reach back and have no hair ! So now, it's just below my shoulders. I've been itching to do something but I haven't really known what so this is a great remedy. I'll get it dyed this weekend too and then I'll really feel sassy !

Roderic is particularly spry this morning as he gets word that his beloved Uerige Altbier is being imported to the US after nearly 11 years of absence from his life. We'll be on a mission this weekend as we check out a couple of secret Portland locations to see if we can find its existence. Let's hope the US rep is correct !

Fred is the first puppy I had the pleasure of having in my life. My mom and dad brought him home one day when I was 21 years old and I still remember how amazingly cute he was ! Puppies are cute. Dachshund puppies are cute. Fred's an old man now and his age is starting to show. They feel senility is to blame as well as an infection in his gums. I'll have to get a picture or two scanned in to post, because he really is a cutie.

Fred, feel better soon. Cloe sends a hug too =^..^=

Rose Mouth

2008-09-24T17:42:00.000-07:00

Crazy cosmic forces caused me to happen upon Gianluca Mattia and his amazing new wave version of the pin up girl. Amazing, bizarre and beautiful things abound ! Go look for yourself :)

It seems to have been an intense last week or two. It's been work, play, sleep, work, play, sleep.....in that order, everyday without fail. More work than play, sadly - but sometimes life is like that. I've been inspired on several occasions with ideas and mental scripts of things I've wanted to get up here but for one reason or another, (see second sentence of this paragraph) it hasn't happened. As luck would have it, I can't for the life of me gather those thoughts together right now. I often wish work was different or perhaps I wished that I worked differently - I get there and that's all I do (with the very occasional peak at email) is work. I find myself intense (there's that word again) on the day and focused on the task at hand. I would rather push myself than fudge around and have to stay late or work harder to make up for the distractions. I find this job to be different and more intense than any other I've ever done. Don't get me wrong - I love what I do, but I sometimes daydream about that patch of moss on the other side of the fence.

I'm going to the coast this weekend and hope to get some beautiful shots to share. I plan to make a concerted effort at creative photographic evidence for all to enjoy.

One other item from the edge - Read Your Mail ! Not one but TWO pieces of mail attempted to pull the wool over my eyes yesterday. In desperate times come desperate measures, so just read your mail. Not email, snail mail. It's evil - keep it in line.

It's FRIDAY !

2008-09-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

>: l

2008-09-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

I am not amused.

Monday mornings have to be the most awful thing. Ever.

I was telling Susan awhile back how sad I have felt because since my Mormor passed away, I hadn't felt any presence of her. No dreams, no feelings of her being near to say goodbye....just, nothing. I have a strong memory of my other grandmother making a presence in my room shortly after she passed away. I had her bedroom furniture and one piece was a large mirror over a desk of sorts. I turned to look and she was there. Her reflection staring back at me. It wasn't scary, but lovely and reassuring.

I awoke this morning from having a dream that my Mormor wanted to give me a pair of earrings. They were small, polished round stones in the shapes of perfect little orbs -- pink and a dark green kind of swirled together. That's odd. I was crying when she gave them to me because they meant so much to me.

I don't know what this all means. I do know that I'm extremely tired and wish I didn't have to go to work. I know that when I get there, I will immerse myself in it and it will be ok, but geez, Mondays are no fun.

Now this is fun:

A potpourri of sorts...

2008-09-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

The weather in Portland has been beautiful. Sunny, warm days which cool off into lovely, crisp evenings. The perfect weather for driving, relaxing and exploring - which is exactly what we have done. Our big adventure this weekend consisted of cheese, the ocean and comics. First stop was Tillamook where we purchased cheddar cheese curds which is a taste sensation everyone should experience. Sadly, you can only purchase the curds *at* the factory, but it's worth the drive !

We had fun in Astoria and found an amazing comic book store which was oddly enough called, Amazing Stories Comics & Games. Awesome store - elegantly put together and a great selection of books, figures and games. They have a location in Vancouver also, but it does not compare !

We had a truly yummy lunch at T. Paul's Urban Cafe. Quesadillas, sandwiches, chips, salsa and ambiance without being pretentious. I recently read on Wiki that The Goonies and Overboard were filled in Astoria -- how can you go wrong with that ?

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

In The Kitchen

Back by popular demand is my version of the crustless quiche. I used to make this every weekend when I was faithfully low carbing. It's easy, tasty and the leftovers make an easy-to-go breakfast. While the measurements are all in my head and I typically make it with my eyes closed, here's the gist:

6-8 eggs
1/2 cup milk or cream
1/2 cup of mayo
fresh chopped spinach
salt/pepper
cayenne pepper
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Whisk it up, pour into a greased pie dish and bake for about 30-40 minutes at 350.

You can add in chopped bacon, ham, sausage, tomato, sauteed onion or mushrooms -- whatever you have around the kitchen that sounds good. I like to be creative and let the quiche take me where it wants to go.

Any blog post would not be complete without paying homage to Pioneer Woman. I utilized her Pot Roast recipe and it's in the oven now.

The cast of characters to the left, pre-preparation. That's Happy German Beer Guy in the blue. It's not a meal without his presence.

I added red wine to the beef broth while deglazing the pan. Also, added but not pictured is the garlic !

There is the end result before retiring to the oven. Now that says lovin' all over it.

Enjoy your Sunday and remember -- True Blood tonight !

So this vampire walks into a bar...

2008-09-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late with the post, but True Blood made its television debut last Sunday. On a whim, I had picked up Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris sometime last year and really enjoyed it. It was quirky and fun, but it had a bit of an edge. I love picking up an unknown book and being pleasantly surprised. So soon after immersing myself in the Southern Vampire world, I learned that they would be making a TV series and have been anticipating it for the last 6 months.

The show is fun (like the books) but as with most books put into film, I was irritated with some of the casting and dazzled to see the world of Bon Temps in true colour. To me, Bill was the biggest glitch. While I think he smolders quite well, he was far from the gentleman I remember introduced in DUD. I think his look is a relatively good fit but his personality is a bit more edgy than it should be. Sam is portrayed as much younger than I ever imagined. At times, Sam has reminded me of Holling Vincoeur from Northern Exposure. Obviously, not exclusively, but there are similaries as far as personality and demeanor.

Tara is too ghettotastic.

Sookie is too A cup.

Picking aside, I think it's fun and will continue watching for now. While Eric hasn't been introduced yet, that's really what we're all waiting for, right ?

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

I've been feeling "off" lately and I can't put my finger on it. I don't feel bad per se, but I feel achy and restless at times. It could be that I'm fighting something off but I haven't really had any other symptoms.

Wait.

Here's a random vision for you. As I go through life, I am plagued by lines from Rocky Horror. Mostly the audience participation lines. As I typed the ending to the previous sentence, "What about the nasty little symptom ?" screamed out in my brain. This happens often - not the symptoms, but the act of random Rocky Horror lines. Oi.

Now I really feel off.

and life returns to the ebb and flow we knew...

2008-09-05T18:51:00.001-07:00

So after the climatic moments we expected, we're back. I have refrained from posting about my Twilight finalization because I can't seem to find the words that will work with what I'm thinking.

The series was an emotional drain, but in a good way for the most part. I loved the characters. I loved the emotions the words brought forward in my being. I love the giddy-i-can't-wait-to read-again feeling I got while dancing through these books.

As a forgotten lover or your lost favorite pair of socks, I feel lonely.

Upon finishing, I found Breaking Dawn to be exciting and action packed. As I came down off my high, I felt jilted and awe struck at so many of the happenings (or lack thereof).

The pregnancy.
The transformation.
The "war".
The new characters.
The lack of Edward.
The name.
The lack of Alice.

The lack of magic.

This book appears to have been written in haste. The ending being brought to a quick and sloppy climax, only to come crashing down like a deck of ill placed cards.

Why have you forsaken me ?

I am not regretful to have read Breaking Dawn, don't get me wrong. I couldn't/wouldn't NOT have read it. But somehow, I feel sad. And as much as I thought I'd want to run back and begin Twilight all over again, I feel that throbbing pain one gets when they drive by an old lover's home or when you instinctively order what you always drank as a couple. I guess I just need time to heal and move on before I go down that path again.

"Hello Bill, it's been quite some time. How are you ? You look well...."

Other than the mundane broken heart, it's Friday ! This girl is ever-so-happy to be graced with another Friday and another disk of Lost to take her mind off the fresh mental paper cuts.

It's over...

2008-09-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'm done.

I finished BD last night.

Full review to follow...soon. Roderic is flying through Eclipse and as soon as he's finished, I'll spill.

I promise.

Now go have a good Tuesday. *grumblegrumble*

This is me...

2008-08-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

...letting it go.

Imagine, if you will, a bonfire burning brightly. The orange and red tongues lapping at the thick air. Strange shadows being cast upon the dark walls from the sensuous fire's dance.

Now, imagine me taking a few heavy thoughts...a few things from the day, still fresh from the core and heaving them into the fire. The flames consuming them....taking them away, into a pillar of murky, black smoke.

Ashes to Ashes:

1. Having to make the call to let someone know they lost their job. They don't get to return to work after the holiday weekend and that I'll talk to her about it more on Tuesday. I couldn't get a hold of her on Friday before leaving work and I couldn't leave the message or send the email in a heartless, cold fashion. I couldn't do it. So, I tossed and turned all night - dreamed about it, lost sleep over it and basically made myself sick. It's behind me now, but it's been hanging over me still.

2. Connecting with an old friend; someone who you have known for years and feeling the sting of rejection and not knowing why. Interpreting* an email as cool, aloof and having it hang on my heart and whisper softly that maybe they just don't really care anymore. Or maybe they can't....or don't want to ?

This is me tossing these thoughts to the winds tonight. Letting them go. I'm not going to dwell on them. I'm not going to allow myself to be consumed with the empathy that I so often fall victim to.

*I interpret and feel a lot. I am often right and typically go with what my heart tells me. This has, of course, gotten me into trouble in the past. Since it's gnawing at me, I need to just let it go if I want to have a decent weekend. So, not assuming anything, but letting it go, for now.

Catacombs of my dreams

2008-08-29T08:51:00.001-07:00

So last night, I finished off the night with Chapter 24 in Eclipse. Victoria. Riley. The standoff.

I turned off the lights and tried to sleep. Since starting the Twilight series, I'm having a hard time sleeping right away. Not in a bad way, but I feel like my mind is buzzing after reading -- I'm kind of hyper, so it takes a little longer to fall asleep.

My dreams were odd.

I was in an odd city much like Tai-Tastigon in God Stalk. I was being followed, hunted and the two people I was with were trying to keep me safe...trying to keep the hunters off my track. I remember them laying traps, dropping sharp tacks and other various items in the alleys behind us as we rushed through this odd city, making our way back to the location where it was all going down.

It was a home. A beautiful, strange Victorian style home.

It was mine.

We rushed to the basement which turned out to be more of a confusing set of catacombs. I remember running deeper and deeper into the basement. The descending path was a dirt floor. The beauty of the house had turned into more of a cavern now with a confusing set of labyrinth-like tunnels. I stopped and consoled the person who was with me - someone who now reminds me very much of Alice, but in my dream, she was actually more of a fairy type of being. The other individual was going to stay in the house, to delay them as long as possible.

The hall had opened up into a huge, relatively unfinished room with a few ornate doors set into the dirt walls and two paths that went down into a second level of the room. There were old, enormous gothic candelabrum lighting the room. I remember throwing my arms out and jumping a bit as I ran into this area - like I knew I had arrived to where I needed to be. The air was remarkably cool since we were so far beneath the ground. I remember the way it hit my face and comforted me - I was hot from running and the sudden chill was perfect. The floor went deeper in two areas and the area below were smaller rooms. The middle sunken area was one large room - it was open with no doors but not visible from the main room. One could enter this lower area from two directions, so it didn't feel very safe. The sunken area that was a bit farther back was different. It had several caged in areas that bordered the path that went through it. Within each cage were odd little goblin type creatures that were not necessarily friends, but not foe either. I remember their beady eyes staring at me as I walked through to see if this was a better hiding space. This area was darker, less open and felt safer.

I realized I had been carrying a book with me this entire time.

The girl who had rushed down with me had told me I should hide in the middle area, but I couldn't do it because of how open it was. I decided to hide in the darker sunken area in the back of the room in one of the larger cages and read the book while I waited for them to find me and for the fight to begin.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

So, if you've read Eclipse, you see where this dream is coming from. However, unlike Bella, I'm getting my way and being allowed to taunt my foes directly into the fight rather than spending my time in a tent far, far away :)

I love dreams where you awake nearly drunk with emotions. Dreams that speak to you - that are suddenly apart of your psyche - and more than just your regular standard issued dreams.

So you get where I'm coming from, where my head is....on this lovely Friday morning.

Hyper Hyper !!

Truth

2008-08-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

There is nothing for you to go back and live over, or fix, or feel regret about now. Every part of your life has unfolded just right. And so --now -- knowing all that you know from where you now stand, now what do you want? The answers are now coming forth to you. Go forth in joy, and get on with it.

Gently borrowed from the Abraham-Hicks Daily Quote.

I find this so wonderfully comforting in a way. In reality, there ARE so many things I've always thought I'd love to experience again...because of the beauty, the emotion, the sheer bliss of it all. Yet, when you ponder this idea, you have to accept the concept of taking the bad with the good and to experience everything again, I don't know.

Maybe ?

As I continue to blog about it, it's obvious I'm wrapped up in the world of Twilight. I'm actually fully aware that I will probably want to "revamp" (i.e., re-read the series - thank you TM) once I've finished Breaking Dawn. That is, unless BD makes me die a slow and silent death and I am unable to function ever again. I have always felt that life is too short to continue re-reading the same books. My list is long and I am surrounded by stacks and stacks of books -- but again, this is different.

This is Twilight.

I've attempted to quench my passion for the series by spending time at the TM forums. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel absolutely overwhelmed by that site. While it's refreshing and sometimes freaky to read posts by others in a similar state of mind, I find myself unsure of where to start, unable to find the "right place" to jump in and frankly, I just feel awkward. It's amazing and strange to read posts by so many others who are swept up into the world of Twilight like a zombie plague. There are individuals from all walks of life, all ages, all genders, all nationalities that can't seem to get enough. I also can't help but feel like I'm coming in to this whole obsession a little late. The momentum that this series has created is incredible and awe inspiring and I'm desperately trying to get up to speed while keeping my sanity. I have felt that I'm usually in line with or before the wave -- yet, this one I missed - completely. I can think back on seeing the books at Costco, Barnes and Noble, Borders....yet, I avoided them. The covers are lovely and I remember seeing them and admiring them, yet, I didn't bother looking further ?! (I have found some awesome books just by loving the covers). My lack of knowledge or foresight is nearly a paranormal experience in and of itself.

And now the true fan-grrl declaration: I can't help but feel that MY connection is so different. Almost like having a smug superiority complex, but not in the ultra-bitchy kind of way.

(I do hope that last statement doesn't land me on a few hate lists ! I just need to try to get the thought process down !)

Supporting evidence as to why I am smug, superior and (ultra) bitchy ?

Yes, yes...I know. But see, if I start popping off with WHY then I will be tossed away into a dark room and the key will be hidden somewhere smelly and forbidden and I'll be missed.

By someone.

Maybe.

The Adventure

2008-08-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know
My dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that is dead shall be re-grown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
If you're gonna fall
I'll let you know
That i will pick you up
Like you for i
I felt this thing
I can't replace
When everyone was working for this goal
Where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold
To recite this all

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin

I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin

The Adventure, by Angels & Airwaves

Why ?

2008-08-21T19:14:00.001-07:00

I'm slowly, slowly reading Eclipse...I think I'm on chapter 3. I find myself savoring each page, slowly. It's sick, isn't it ?

So, this crazy, numb sickness has me thinking. I've been wanting to post - to dive into all the ideas that are floating around in my brain - but it's too fresh. It's something I can't put a finger on just yet. So, I caved and went to TwilightMoms to read about what other "adults" had to say. One particular poster (imarriededward) seemed to say something interesting,

"As for this strange addiction.... I am an Educational Psychologist. I have been wracking my brain for why I have responded in this strange manner to a book. Why so many women have responded this way to a book. Particularly grown women. I myself was very embarrassed that I should feel this way about a Young Adult book. I felt I was above that, being a fan of the Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, etc..... Adult books. But these books have never affected me in this way. I have read Jane Austen's works several times, over and over, but never the same book just after I have finished it. I have never read them during the day, not able to put them down or complete my daily activities. But here is what I have come up with. You may not agree, but I am confounded by this response so many of us have. So this is the best I can do:

First of all, what seems to be so good about Stephenie Meyer's writing is that it is so easy to connect with Bella. You think something, and then you read that she is thinking the same thing. You feel something and then she feels it. The emotions and thoughts you are having are those that you may have had at a younger stage in life with a first love. That thumping of the heart, thrills sent down your spine, blushes rushing to your cheeks. These physiological responses are in themselves addicting. They feel wonderful. When you read Stephenie's books, you have these incredible feelings like you are walking on a cloud. Just like with a first love, you find yourself thinking about it all day long. Because just thinking about it evokes a shadow or trace of these physiological experiences.This is addicting. You read the books over and over again to experience these same physiological responses.

Now, why does it affect girls ages 12 to ?. While our bodies may be getting older, our minds do not, and they still are able to crave these experiences as though we were 18 and having them for the first time. In fact, they make us feel as if we were 18 again, which is reinforcing in and of itself for those of us who wish we were not aging so quickly.

Just a theory"

When I read this, I almost cried. Not because it was so spot on, but because it gave such a realistic, normal explanation to what I had been going through and suddenly, I felt old.

On a day to day basis, I don't feel old. I feel pretty much as I always have, with a few slight exceptions. Exceptions aside, I feel that I have become wiser and perhaps more insightful, but I don't feel old. I won't cave into this particular post from the lovely "imarriededward" 100%. (btw, odd that an "Educational Psychologist" chose such a chipper screen name ?) I have other items, thoughts, memories that send tingles up my spine as I read this series..........memories that are TOO spot on. Similarities in relationships that make me put the book down to rethink things. I often need time to sort my thoughts, draw the lines and try to move on.

These days, I often think, "why can't I be reading one of the books from the Southern Vampire series ?" I would be engrossed and tantalized, but not a walking zombie girl full of angst. *sneers*

In other news, this girly is off to the coast tomorrow afternoon to see my parents for the weekend. I will be equipped with Eclipse, a camera and an Americano big enough for Tibet.

Swooning

2008-08-17T10:32:00.001-07:00

That's how it ends. After finishing New Moon, I'm swooning. And absolutely obsessed. I skipped through Twilight a bit slower, edging myself back and trying to read with an even and steady, but not devouring pace. I was up too late several nights, but I forced the breaks and was satisfied with my restrain. Regardless of the control, I felt like I was walking in a daze several days - caught up in the emotion of the book. At times, unable to keep myself from entirely sinking into the depths of it all.

New Moon - I started on Saturday at 9am and really had to force myself to stop last night - I read the last chapter this morning. While I can now say that I really enjoyed NM, I didn't feel that way the entire time. I was miserable while reading. I had a gaping hole in my chest also as I didn't really want to believe what I was reading. By the last few chapters, I was feeling better, hopeful.....alive again. I feel like it's ok to relax, that things are back the way they should be. There were several times in NM where I felt Stephenie added too many adverse emotions - it bordered on showing its true nature of being a teen novel. I was swept back to memories of Judy Blume books and the over written angst. Obviously, those were brief moments but still present, at times. Or perhaps those were my own emotions being interjected - the desire...no, the NEED to have things work out as I felt they had to and my irritation at the characters fighting the inevitable.

I already feel absolute dread for Breaking Dawn. It's all unfounded - I haven't read a thing about it, but just knowing that others are so unhappy with it, I'm already fearful. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though - Eclipse is next....today. I'll try to pace myself a bit more again since I already feel the intense fear of reading too quickly, having it all over too soon and being left alone.

In other news, I haven't done a damn thing this weekend other than read, sitting in front of my beloved a/c unit. Part of me would like to do the same thing today as soon as I get my hands on Eclipse, but I won't....I can't. I need to give my head a break from the fantasy - I have laundry to be done and I need to get out to remind myself of what I really have going in my little corner of the world. May I add that it was HOT yesterday - like, really, really hot and muggy. I suppose that made it easy to stay perched in front of the icy breeze. Today should be better....still hot, but not as unbearable.

The Bag and The Messenger

2008-08-15T21:29:00.001-07:00

The perfect messenger bag - resolved. I found this at at Barnes & Noble tonight (the store, not online). Finally, the right size bag, several compartments, not just plain and boring, but not stupid, plastic and girly. Snapped pockets, a zippered pocket, places for pens/small items, a key hook, an outside zippered area........ah. The design which appears to be grey in the picture is much more subdued in person....it's perfect !!

Also, New Moon.

I'm nearly done with Twilight, but not quite. I knew I could NOT finish Twilight without an arsenal of words to follow it......so, that's handled for the time being.

For those who may have not heard, Twilight the movie is being pushed up to November 21st, 2008 while HP is being nudged back to next year.

Sorry, Harry.

Zen & Blood

2008-08-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

Zen

I realized that the airing of negativity may be wrong for this little corner of my world. Actually, I struggle with the rightness/wrongness of it all. While I think it can be healthy to rant, I also listen to the idea that you will harvest what you sow. Or more eloquently put, "When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint. Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone that will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you. "

So, is it harmful or helpful to get the irritation out of one's mind by writing about it or not ? Allowing it to bounce around in one's head isn't the answer. Not allowing yourself to label it as irritating in the first place is the best answer, but I'd have to be Ghandi to achieve that level of awareness and peace.

Ranting is part of my love for writing - the freedom to express - freedom to be sarcastic - the ability to take a moment and lay the words across the screen in a way that makes everyone who reads it feel that moment as if they were witness to it. As my mom has and will continue to say, "Kimberley, don't be so critical". But, but....that's just who I am. I suppose the previous post just bothered me -- like, I came back to my little corner and fouled the air here with garbage that means nothing.

nam-yo-ho-renge-kyo
________________________________

Blood

While so many of the thoughts running through my mind will seriously label me as a pathetic fan-grrl, I have to share.

I am so loving Twilight.

There, I said it. It's nearly indescribable how it makes me feel and all the scattered pieces of memories it brings back from various times in my past. The butterflies have yet to cease and as so many have said, I find myself obsessed with reading and reading and reading. The writing is simple and fast, yet somehow the story is magical. I would not have expected a "teen novel" to carry quite so much emotion/drama and have the ability to have such an intense hold on me. That sounds completely insane, doesn't it ? My love for vampire literature goes way back, but Twilight is special...somehow.

I'm staring at the blinking cursor and am completely at a loss for words. Perhaps I should stop my Twilight update now....without going into pitiful descriptions there's not much else to be said.

Handbasket

2008-08-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm going straight to hell for venting but dammit, it's MY blog and if I want to vent, I just will.

1. Admit you're wrong. Seriously, there is nothing that I hate more than to have a conversation where someone is wrong and they won't admit defeat. I recently had a conversation where it went down that there was NO possible way that it was the way I said it was.

Well, it is.

But, I couldn't start shooting off links to prove my point because I'm just not like that AND I didn't want to be the annoying girl that always has to be right. So I will quietly bitch about it here.

2. Annoying message board girl. Ok, we've seen 15k pictures of you. The sheer magnitude of space used is enough to choke Google. You're young, hip and think you are just about the best thing since Sham-Wow. Get over yourself. We GET that you love your cat but honestly, each time the cat meows, you don't need to start a new thread about it.

And if you INSIST on posting another 15k pictures, quit with the duckbill-lips look already. We already have the creepy twins to epitomize this picture perfect moment for all of eternity.

/rant

See, the second part is why I really should stay far, far away from message boards and have my lovely online friends visit me here :)

Twilight

2008-08-11T18:58:00.001-07:00

As many individuals recently have, I started reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I've been reading Working for the Devil and for whatever reason, it's been oh-so-hard to get into. Perhaps it's that I try reading when we go to bed - and by that point, I'm ready to collapse most nights. Or maybe it's because I just can't get into the style of writing. Or perhaps it's something else. Either way, I've been missing that desperate feeling one gets when they want to read the book they have going on because it's so gripping/good/enjoyable (or pick a different word that works for you - there are several to choose from and they're small).

For the record, I find Twilight teases me enough to continue reading....urging me to turn yet another page and another. The beautiful characters performing in just a way across the text that makes it quite difficult to put down. And with that said, I guess it appeals to my inner vampire fangrrl....my young, pale skinned, wide eyed girl that eats up a good vampire-in-love-tale as the next. As crazy as this sounds, I think I can literally feel the butterflies in Bella's stomach as the tale progresses. I can nearly taste the yearning for acceptance, for excitement, for something new outside of what life has currently offered.

Yum.

From what I've seen of the pictures from the upcoming movie, I'm not entirely impressed with the selection for Edward.

He's not handsome enough.

Dude, at all.

Ummm.....ew.

/inner vampire fangrrl

Aside from the disturbing picture above, as I've stated previously, I am totally enjoying the writing, the quick reading and the fun, easy drama that is woven throughout the fabric of the story. It's what I needed. At this point, I totally see myself devouring this saga of books for awhile.

Prior to Twilight, the last vampire saga I was involved with was Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire Series. From what I've read, they are similar in the sense that they are quick, enthralling and written in a way that makes it fun for the reader. Purely from a reading and longing standpoint, Edward is much yummier than Bill. Yet, at this point, Bill's maturity from being alive quite as long as he has, is more attractive than Edward. I haven't actually learned how long Edward has been around just yet - but if I had to guess, not as long as Bill. Eric, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. He has the fiery, young masculinity that makes my heart go pitter patter.

What more could a girl ask for ? (especially a girl with a hungry inner vampire grrl). Go, buy Twilight and join the herd as I have. Don't be ashamed, we have cookies over here.

Lexicon Devil

2008-08-11T06:46:00.001-07:00

I should have posted about this on Friday - for the movie's debut.

I'm a lexicon devil with a battered brain

And I'm searchin' for a future-

the world's my aim

So gimme gimme your hands-

gimme gimme your minds

Gimme gimme this-

gimme gimme tha-yea-yea-t...

I want toy tin soldiers that can push and shove

I want gunboy rovers that'll wreck this club

I'll build you up and level your heads

We'll run it my way cold men and politics dead...

[Chorus]

I'll get silver guns to drip old blood

Let's give this established joke a shove

We're gonna wreak havoc on the rancid mill

I'm searchin' for something even if I'm killed...

[Chorus]

Empty out your pockets-

you don't need their change

I'm giving you the power to rearrange

Together we'll run to the highest prop

Tear it down and let it drop...away...

[Chorus]

Jumping down the rabbit hole...

2008-08-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have this distant memory of being a little girl in Sweden one summer. We were at my Mormor's summerhouse in Särdal and there was an organized event that really captivated me. One of those memories that come back to you and give you a warm, loving hug. Over the years, I've desperately tried to figure out what that was and piece together the mental images. It was like a scavenger hunt, but only in the forest and slightly different. I remember there were many people from the community taking part in the event and we were kind of paired off - especially since there were several young children (me included) that were with adults. I distinctly remember coming to a tree that had a piece of paper attached to the trunk with a picture/sticker of a rabbit on it and that was a clue or item that we were otherwise meant to find. This paper told us which direction to go next and almost like a riddle of what we should find next. As far as I can remember, each "team" had to take note of what they found throughout the exercise and the first to finish and get all the "clues" essentially won.

Orienteering seems to be the closest I can come to what this event was. Oddly enough, wiki's history says it originated in Sweden ! This must have been a lite version of Orienteering and for some funny reason, this is one of those memories I love. First of all, it occurred at my favorite place in the entire world. Also, it absolutely appeals to the part of my brain that loves a good puzzle...and better yet, a hands-on, Alice-in-Wonderland type of riddle.

To add to my cerebral hedonism, I stumbled upon this during my feverish searching.

Do you ever wonder how one goes about finding what they are meant to do ? Or what one is really good at ? A bit off topic, perhaps, but I've always wondered how others found their passion. Like the story of the man who picked up a piece of wood upon being bored and ended up whittling a beautiful animal with no previous training ? The wood spoke to him, his knife and hands were the instruments that created a new life out of an otherwise boring chunk of timber ?

Right, so my point being - what if this delectable memory that has been floating about in my brain, reoccurring ever so often, has been there because that is something I should be doing ? An activity that will speak to my desire to be out, enjoying the beauty of nature and also incorporating the richness of the riddle. I won't know until I try and if it's a flop, then I will treasure this memory as I always have. Of course, this brings about the idea that I'll have to be social to a degree and gather up the nerve to actually attend one of their events. Don't take this as a deal breaker by any means - I can be gregarious when life calls for it.

I Can Transform My Own World for Me. . .

2008-08-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

Make lists of positive aspects. Make lists of things you love—and never complain about anything. And as you use those things that shine bright and make you feel good as your excuse to give your attention and be who-you-are, you will tune to who-you-are, and the whole world will begin to transform before your eyes. It is not your job to transform the world for others—but it is your job to transform it for you. A state of appreciation is pure Connection to Source where there is no perception of lack.

This brought to you by my daily Abraham-Hicks quote. Go there now and be inspired.

ZOMG !

2008-08-05T18:24:00.000-07:00

This blog has officially survived One Month !
Happy Anniversary and thanks for visiting.

Recipe Recap (finally !)

2008-08-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

First of all, for the love of potatoes, can you all run out and try this recipe RIGHT NOW ? Please ? Because I can't be the only crazy girl in love with this simple, perfect recipe. I digress, let me move forward to some photographic evidence:

Before going into the oven:
Now, for some crazy reason, I only have "afters" of the potatoes ! The steaks were lovely, really -- just no evidence of them !

The other new, exciting item of interest that makes the Mr's heart go pitter patter.

Our very own hot dog cooker. The buns steam under the red and white stripped canopy as the dogs rotate on the warmer. I don't know if I should feel like the local 7-11 as we prepare for dinner or perhaps just like I'm spending another night at the circus. Either way, the dogs came out quite nicely and the buns we perfect. I also have to add that finding hot dogs with no trans fat and sodium below 400mg is next to impossible, sadly. This is a "special occasion" type of meal since eating this way too often will likely shorten one's life drastically. However, if you're feeling dangerous, you can run right over to Amazon and get your very own. You'll be the belle of the ball - the hero of the neighborhood.

On another note, I wanted to thank the powers that be for sending me some positive vibes today. While it was a challenging day, I had some great things happen that I really needed to have happen. So next time you forget:

The reason things always work out for the best, Kimberley, is because this is actually the highest of all spiritual laws.

Any apparent exceptions are simply evidence that work is still in progress, whether or not it can be seen.

Always,
The Universe

Annoyed

2008-08-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

So I was going to do this fun post with pictures of dinner from last night etc, etc...........however, Blogger is having an "internal issue" uploading my photos [insert annoyed smiley here].

I shall move forward, as scheduled, with a different post about a different subject.

Dear Mr. Next Door Neighbor With The Really Loud Motorcycle:
Why do you start up your chopper and drive away and then come home SIX TIMES a day ? Do you have MPD ? Do you forget where you are going ? For the love of Harley Davidson, does your motorcycle need to be so loud because each time you start 'er up, I feel a little piece of my life escape me. Living on the edge, I think I may follow you one day, just to see where such a cool guy such as yourself goes six times a day.

I hope you're wearing your helmet.
Signed,
Me

__________________________

Dear Crazy Cat Lady Who Lives Behind Us:
Why must you call for your animals (since we can't figure out if they are cats or dogs) 12 times a day starting in the early morning hours and ending late in the evening ? Obviously, you have a backyard, that is fenced in, where they can roam, scratch, pee, poop and otherwise frolic without needing to be screeched at on a regular basis. We imagine your pets must cringe as we do as your bellowing, shrill voice carries throughout the neighborhood. Do they not listen - because surely they hear you (as half of Oregon does). Your choice of names are precious. In fact, I bet nobody else on this bloody planet has been quite as clever as you.

RICKKKY ! LUCY ! RICKKKY ! LUCY !

I hope you've had your shots.
Signed,
Me
__________________________

And with that said, I shall post tasty yummies for your enjoyment at a later date :)

Sunday, lovely Sunday

2008-08-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

The previously mentioned beautiful garageless house is currently occupied, so there shall be no spying or peeking through windows without written permission and a Guest badge. The Realtor says that this can be scheduled - just let her know. Oi. It gets nerve wracking but we're just looking ! Right ? We drove by not once, but t w i c e yesterday. Not stalking, just looking. The Mr. loves it in person too. What's not to love though, really. (minus the missing garage)

Yesterday was pretty low key. I have found a new amazing website to add to my list - The Pioneer Woman. I've been reading about this site for awhile from LCF. The recipes have been raved about over and over and I guess I just had a block because the name just didn't "appeal" to me (or something). It brought up images of camping or complex backwards ingredients so I just never went there. I can't remember the thought process, but something drew me to check it out and I'm so glad I did ! I have mainly focused on her recipes. I love the pictures and step by step commentary of how she creates each different item. So....I will be making her Crash Hot Potatoes (don't they look to-die-for ?) to accompany a Pan Fried Ribeye Steak for today's enjoyment. I purchased two succulent steaks yesterday, baby red potatoes and fresh rosemary (since I can't seem to keep one alive no matter how hard I try).

She really does a beautiful job on her website -- it's clean, pleasing to the eye and everything is elegant without being in-your-face. I would like my site to aspire to be similar. Blog/Cooking/Otherexcitingthings. Not the same, because that's just creepy, but similar in the sense of being a blog with more. I'm in the midst of domain name brainstorming, so we'll see where this takes me.

I'll report back on the cooking and maybe I'll even have some pictures.

IE7 Errors with Sitemeter and Saturday

2008-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

I was irritated last night because even though it was my verylovelyfridayevening extraveganza, I couldn't get to my blog. I kept getting an "Operation Aborted" message. Egads ! So, after deleting my last post, my Weeds widget, and weather widget without prevail, the Mr. told me to back away from the blog and deal tomorrow. I absolutely did not do a search, which would have answered my conundrum quite quickly.

And in the frenzy, I deleted the last cross post to Ryan's Punk Music Blog and to Russia making emo kids cry. Read it. You'll giggle.

So back to last night -- work has been stressful. I'll leave it at that. The point is, I knew I was bound for a dismal Friday evening if I didn't get my head in the right place. This was a 911 emergency if I ever had one. The beautiful moment was upon driving home, I thought back to Susan and a story she had recounted to me only a few days ago. Nothing major, but a snippet from one of our conversations was her telling her son that she needed to go for a walk to get some good endorphins flowing because she was in a bad mood. [sic] So, I let Mr. know to keep his distance and that I needed to walk off the day. I was out the door in merely a few moments. No headphones, no phone. I decided silence was the answer this evening. It was overcast, but not too cold and not too hot - just perfect, really. Not only did I snap the funk, but I also spied possibly the most lovely house for SALE that I've seen in months. An English Cottage, to be exact. Possibly 10 minutes from where we live now. I'm not going to go into huge details and warp my mojo, but it really is lovely. I came home and left the broker a message that we'd like a viewing after He agreed that it really IS perfect. The ONLY downside that I see so far - and this is a big one - no garage. I didn't realize it until I got home and we were looking over the informational flyer I had picked up. Why oh why would this be the case ? Ah well.....as said many times to me by my parents, "we'll see". And now, it fits.

As typical for me, there are no plans yet for today. There are options.....oh yes, but no hard set plans as of yet. My immediate need is to savour this coffee (that I ground with our NEW burr grinder) and click around for a nice recipe to make this weekend.

And maybe I'll take another walk....not because of a grouchy mood, but perhaps because I want to.

The Dark...

2008-07-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

...Knight. No matter how much I try, I can't say that I liked the new Batman. I don't want to get into a long, drawn out explanation, but gawd, I just didn't like it.

Confusing and hard to follow. Call me a dumb ass, but I found the movie quickly became a jumbled mess of action and the concepts were just lost.

Tried way too hard. Seriously, I know we have great technology and everyone making a movie wants to incorporate every new possible effect into it, but it was too much.

It lost the lovely dark feel that was found so prevalent in the first few Batman movies. This felt boring and modern day. It lost that mysterious shroud that really added to the ambiance of all the previous flicks.

The Joker. Yeah, I'll go to hell for this. I liked Heath. He was a fine actor. He played this role well. But I just don't find it hard to imagine several other male actors doing just as well if not better of a job with this role. Let's be real - this was a great opportunity to dig your teeth into a gritty, insane character. Did he do it better than others could have ? I don't think so. I still like Nicholson better - so there.

Since I'm on a roll, I'll add to my list of things to be critical about: Weeds. I love Weeds and I'm totally enjoying this show. The problem is that we are now "caught up" and only being able to watch 30 minutes once a week is insanely irritating ! O M G. This show not only deserves, but needs to be an hour long. It's not a fluffy sitcom where 30 minutes is enough - this is a show with some great story lines going on and to try to squeeze it all into 30 minutes is just ludicrous. I'm such an "out of touch" tv watcher. :)

Lost. We started Season 1 Disk 1 last night. Intense. I hadn't realized it was so.....wow. I think we finished the first three episodes and it was really tough to pull myself away, yet, I knew I could only handle so much in one sitting. I felt my tummy turn to knots as we watched, yet, I couldn't turn away...the perfect train wreck (or should I say plane wreck) type of situation.

The other item I am searching for is the perfect messenger bag. I will find one, someday. One with enough funk to fit me, but enough class to not scream adolescence. They seem to be too big, too small or too punkrawk. I like Dickies, but why is it so damn hard to find an online retailer that carries a selection or prints/colours ? They all seem a bit hokey and meager in their selections.

And one last item - the perfect fonts at House Industries. That font to the right is called "Swing" and I l o v e i t !! There are several others that are just about to die for too. Run, don't walk, and check out the fontolicious love they have to offer.

Saturday morning and random, caffeine induced thoughts and ideas...

2008-07-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

It's a perfect day when you wake up casually at 8:49am, brew up your first pot of coffee and jump on the net only to be delighted by visions that just *speak* to you as if they had been awaiting your arrival. Case in point, my first clicked delight this morning was finding a very close bikram studio to my house - huzzah ! It's been several years since I have attended a class, but something I would love to do again - soon. I'm nervous about being so out of practice that I feel I should throw in a disc and do a little at home before I embarrass myself in front of the masses. Perhaps that's just silly, but something I think about. Their intro special is $29 for one month unlimited ! That seems like quite the deal.

The second exciting discovery was Technorati's Top 100 Blogs which led me to Joystiq, a fantastic gaming blog which was screaming to my inner fan-grrl. We've been discussing forming a guild on the horde server - Grimly Fiendish. How great of a name is that for a roving band of dead (or beautiful, as the case may be for belfs) thugs ? And plus, it pays homage to one of my most favorite bands of all times, The Damned. Many won't agree, but Phantasmagoria is possibly my favorite Damned album. I find it dark and yummy and frankly, music to my ears.

Back to yoga and keeping my thoughts and energy revolving back there. They have the poses on their site and I'm inspired enough to post them here where I will look at them often:

1. Standing Deep Breathing

2. Half Moon Pose

3. Awkward Pose

4. Eagle Pose

5. Standing Head To Knee Pose

6. Standing Bow Pulling Pose

7. Balancing Stick

8. Balancing Separate Leg Stretching
9. Triangle Pose

10. Standing Separate Leg Head To Knee Pose

11. Tree Pose

12. Toe Stand Pose

13. Dead Body Pose

14. Wind Removing Pose

15. Sit-up

16. Cobra Pose
17. Locust Pose

18. Full Locust Pose

19. Bow Pose

20. Fixed Firm Pose

21. Half Tortoise Pose

22. Camel Pose

23. Rabbit Pose

24. Separate Leg Stretching Pose

25. Spine Twisting Pose

26. Blowing In Firm Pose

This is funny, but I always enjoyed the mystery of what pose would be next when I was new to the practice. Since then, I've forgotten the list and what it entails, so it will be somewhat new and exciting again. I'll work on refamiliarizing myself though.

So, that's the thought process so far on this Saturday morning. Zen, blogs, gaming and music. All things that get this girl's attention.

Cosmo, my dear ?

2008-07-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

It's Friday again and all is well in my little corner of reality. I worked late, got a ton of work done and then went to Costco. Beer, pizza, crazy-expensive graphic design magazines, but no Nutella. Who is buying all the economy sized Nutella in Portland ? Okay, that's an entirely different post.

Being in the line of work that I am, I find it funny that I can get so damn irritated with people. Don't get me wrong - I'm here to help, I do my best at being pleasant, etc. I just have no patience for stupid people. I feel that's part of my anxiety with what I do -- there are some sweet people who don't always deal with a full deck. I want to help, I'm paid to help.....but there is a reason why some people just aren't working. That's awful, cynical....but it's painfully the truth. The problem is, I find myself empathetically immersing myself in their dismal state and finding that it brings me way down. It takes all kinds - I know this but somehow, I just can't help it. Perhaps that's what makes me good at what I do ?

A quote I received from The Universe this week was, "The person who remembers they can always reach out and help others, Kimberley, never runs out of things to do, always has friends, and rarely needs advice." Somehow, this really *said* something to me. I tend to get so caught up in the minutia, that I often forget the simple things. Things like, I have a gift of helping others - of really having an impact on someones' life. I have found that when I succeed in this, I do have a "friend" even if it is far from my particular definition of "friend", I sometimes gain their respect or perhaps even their trust.

"and rarely needs advice."..... This part, I'm not sure how to translate for myself, because I believe that we all need advice - I know I do. Or, am I so caught up in the crud, that I fail to take my own advice ?

I'll leave it at that for now. It's Friday, I'm going to relax and let The Universe get back to me on that one.

Sleepy time....

2008-07-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

The new mattresses arrived on Sunday and the Mr. had the new bed put together shortly after. I really love it. While the picture does not do it justice or seem to show just how big it really is (or seems to us), it will work. I got the quilt/shams at Crate & Barrel several months ago. I was on a green kick and I just HAD to have them. They are appropriately called "Margarita" and they just represent the perfect summer ensemble for our new bed. Of course, I didn't realize until Sunday afternoon that we did NOT have queen size sheets for the new bed. And, of course, Target was picked through something awful and choices were slim ! I ended up purchasing organic cotton 300 thread count sheets. They *felt* softer than the higher thread count sheets for some reason and they truly are divine to sleep on. I got a funky brown/bronze color because it was really the only thing they had. Everyone in the world has a queen and everyone picked Sunday to shop for sheets. So I was sheet out of luck.

The mattresses are lovely too. Just the right amount of *cush* but still firm enough for our tastes. So, if you care, we ended up with the Sealy Posturepedic Glen Marie Reserve Cushion Firm. Jim at Sleep Country was great too :)

I came home crabby today, so talking about the bed is immensely calming. Waaaay back when, I had Holly Hobby sheets. I loved those sheets so much. As a little girl, my mom would often treat me with new sheets. If I got good grades, was sick, or just did something nice, I would often be surprised with new sheets on my bed. Sheets are special. Somehow, sheets represent comfort or reward. I think I still have a Holly Hobby pillow case somewhere...just for memories.

When I was a teenager, I bought black sheets. A set of cotton, all black sheets with a small satin piping along the seam. I remember the first night I slept in them, I felt like I was sleeping in a coffin or a crypt and it was fantastic. I felt soooooo cool. (yes, I still have the pillow cases...). Then I moved onto funky prints. I have some really great sheets that I love in a bizarre paisley print. On those, there is a vague hint of sparkle because some of the threads somehow glimmer if you look closely. I also have an amazing floral set that have tulips and daffodils on them. I bought those just because of the daffodils. While at Target, they had a Shabby Chic set that took all I had not to buy. Essentially, they screamed GIRLY and pink and the Mr. would have DIED if I came home with them for our new bed. (plus, pink rosebuds would *not* have matched the margarita quilt or....?)

Hair and some slap

2008-07-19T18:08:00.001-07:00

New hair.....shiny, sparkly and jammy. I think the colour resembles a lovely blackberry jam. This is how I spent the morning (before going back to roll around on mattresses). With that said, we chose a mattress that will be delivered tomorrow between 12-2. Nice and comfy. I can't wait.

Roll in z hay, roll in z hay.....

Ok, not quite. Those are my eyes lined in the new BE Legit color with my new Classic Eyeliner Brush. I'm not so sure on the lining with BE. I found that the colour rubbed off onto my eyelid during the afternoon. Perhaps that won't happen with their "Weather Everything Liner Sealer" (I used eye drops to liquify the Legit).

So, shockingly, I have my BE list growing again for my next shopping bonanza. I suppose this is how it goes....when you find something new that you like. You get a little crazy trying all the new wonderful discoveries until the next exciting thing hits your radar.

I believe the next exciting thing to purchase is a bass. I'm still happy with the idea of the SG - basic black, 4 string, simple. Basic is lovely though, really. If you're intrigued enough, there's a great interview with Kira Roessler here. Kira was the bass player for Black Flag from 1984-1986 and essentially has the 10½. Everybody needs a role model and having a gender specific role model is even better. Kira started playing bass at 14 after playing piano for many years. She practiced a TON to get good quickly and has been playing ever since. I would like to listen to Dos, the two bass duo, formed with her then husband, Mike Watt. Just things to listen to, become inspired by, and get excited about. I would LOVE to know what kind of bass Kira fancies...that's one thing I have yet to find on the web.

Music from Weeds

2008-07-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about watching Weeds is listening to the music. "Who will do the theme song this episode ?"

Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes all the same
There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses all went to the university
Where they were put in boxes and they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and there's lawyers, and business executives
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course and drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children and the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp and then to the university
Where they are put in boxes and they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business and marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

Love on a Friday Afternoon....or,

2008-07-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

How I "Bare"ly made up my mind....

ok, gimme a break on the dumb ass title. Being witty does not always come easily (no, really, I'm serious)

What a glorious Friday it was, dear readers ! Everyone should get off work at 1pm on Fridays - it should be a law (written in blood and wax sealed). As soon as I scampered out of the office, I was off to Sleep Country to peruse the mattress selection and get an education on all that is comfy ! Good ol' Jim greeted me at the door and whisked me into the showroom to show me the selection. I was like the Princess and the Pea, folks. We started firm, because, well, that's what I like.

"this one's too firm"......

Off to another corner, where I dived into a pillow top covered in lavender flowers....

"this one's too soft"......

And then, I was introduced to the Sealy Posturepedic Glen Marie Plush. Oh my.

Now, I need to get Mr. Lovey back to the store in the morning to test out this little slice of heaven. It's tentatively being delivered on Sunday (that's the day AFTER tomorrow -- gotta love instant gratification)

After rolling around on mattresses, I was off to the mall. I'm pleased to report that the mall 2 miles from our house has a Bare Escentuals boutique. As you'll read in a previous post, I had finally caved and had tried BE. I'm still liking BE -- my skin seems happier, I seem to notice that it's keeping the shine down a bit better than liquid and it's new and exciting.........so why not ? The sweetest young thang greeted me warmly as I floated into the boutique and went on to tell me all about the eye colours, brushes, brush shampoo and glimmery magical face dust. I had jealously noticed a row of high chairs with ladies being "worked" on at the length of a long counter - I secretly wished I was one of them. Soon after, my spry guide suggested I sign up for a "consultation".

ORLY ?

Another lovely lady kindly informed me that my "consultation" would be at 2:45 and I should return then. Score.

I busied myself through the mall....glanced into windows and made my way to Starbucks. Grande Iced Americano with an XTRA shot. Heaven can never have enough espresso.

2:45 arrived and Leah, a blonde pregnant young lady with lovely eyes, greeted me and continued to dazzle me with all that is BE. She "did" my eyes in a selection of plums and lined them with a nice, dark plumish sparkly number called "Legit". Then I was blushed, buffed and lipsticked. I left with the following:

Flawless Radiance
Pink Champagne lipstick
Legit eye colour
Well-Cared For brush shampoo
A classic liquid eyeliner brush
Refillable Mirrored Compact

Chaaaaaching. Life is good.

THEN, off to Costco to purchase some of our favourite low-fat burritos, bread and clementines. And then, home.

All in all, a FUN afternoon full of mischief and wonder.

And you are....?

2008-07-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

Uff....what is your remedy when you come home wearing your grumpy pants ? Peel those dang things off quickly....yes ? I did that and I'm still cranky.

Irritability is like depression. It sets in quickly, often for unknown reasons and lingers longer than you wish it would. My initial reaction is SHOP ! But once I get my head wrapped around the idea of what that entails and how it will most likely be, I'm over it. Funny enough, I get more and more irritated the more it's ignored. Some would wish to be left alone - fearful they may scratch out the eyes of the next person to speak to them. I am to a degree, but I find that I like to have it acknowledged and THEN to be left alone. Not that the world should weep at my feet because I'm cranky - just acknowledge me, dammit.

And all of this is funny, because quite frankly, I'm having a KICK ASS week at work. I've managed to win over several new clients and find a few fabulous people great jobs. I was even squeeled at over the phone today when I let someone know they were offered the position. And really, it doesn't get better than that.

So WHY AM I CRANKY ?

Dreams

2008-07-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

"To dream that you are a witness to a theft, indicates that others are

wasting and stealing your time, energy, and ideas."

So yesterday was just odd. The day itself wasn't odd, but looking back, it's made me feel weird and I can't put a finger on why. We had a normal dinner, watched Corner Gas (don't ask) and went to bed when we normally would. It was hot....I mean, really hot. I just couldn't get the upstairs cooled off. There was no breeze, the air was heavy and humid. I already felt restless....like, I knew I needed to get some sleep, but I really couldn't calm my thoughts. I was thrilled to have spent part of the afternoon talking to an old friend, but some part of me was just out of sync with the rest of my head. My cell phone rang at 10pm and that kind of startled me out of bed. It was a Washington number....but no idea who. So back to bed....back to sleep. I had one of those sleeps where I woke up all night. Each time I moved, turned over, I woke up. I awoke at 3am and started feeling panicky that I was awake (silly girl, I know). I remember hearing a car go by and trying to focus on relaxing. Then my head took over and I thought I heard something downstairs....on the stairs and I kept looking in the hallway. Nothing. I tell myself to knock it off and sleep.

Then it gets weird.

As I often do, I fell back to sleep, but didn't realize it. Reality blended into my dreams and the next thing I remember was the Mr. and I in a bigger version of our bedroom. We're laying on the floor (?) and we're close to the closet. There's a group of unknown people in our house and he pushes me into the closet to hide. I'm trying to be quiet but I'm scared of him dealing with anything and don't want anything to happen to him. I vaguely think I have a cell phone, but can't dial it or something. The group of people have a "leader" - a male - who is somewhat telling them what to do. They are meticulously stealing items from us. One odd thing is I remember watching them go through the closet and the clothes. As they are finishing up taking what they want, the leader is summing up how much they can get for what they have taken. I remember two numbers - approximately $750 and $850 for each lot. As they are getting ready to leave, I say, "I just want to ask one question - I don't mean to be confrontational, but I want to ask"......"Can I rest assured that you won't come back to our house since you've been here once now ? Since you've taken everything of value, will you leave us alone ?" He tells me he cannot promise that. The moment before he answers, I feel somehow good to have this nearly behind us and feel that they won't be back.......but then when he answers, I know I cannot rest knowing they may be back.

Violation and fear are common trends in my dreams and I don't know why. I'm OCD about doors being locked and feeling "secure" all the time, even in the car. I somehow need to come to an understanding of where this stems from and what I can do to quell any feelings of unfounded fear. I feel it may all be traced back to being a teenager and having freak-boi banging on my window at all hours of the night (and we all know how that ended) but that was 20 years ago. That was many houses ago. Granted, that was awful, nerve-wracking and the epitome of violation..........but god,

. . . : : l e t i t g o, K i m b e r l e y : : . . .

. . . l e t i t g o . . .

New Friends.....Old Friends

2008-07-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

That feeling you get when you reconnect with an "old friend".......those butterflies, feelings of anticipation and familiar warmth.

It's a beautiful thing. Reconnecting. Familiarizing yourself again with someone who knew you so well at one point in your life. I feel fortunate to have that opportunity.

It's odd at the same time.....because you have to explain where you've been, what you've seen and what you've been through. Sometimes, that can be a lot. Sometimes, there are stories upon stories that get the listener to the current location.........the current "situation" of the friend. A friend will take the time to get there......will listen and learn.

It's a beautiful thing. This world is so damn harsh and lonely. I know you know that......but seriously LONELY. I love the idea of reconnecting, relearning and re-knowing something that meant the world to me. The funny, odd thing is.....I don't remember when we last spoke. I kind of mean that in a "Total Recall" sense. Why don't I remember her last words to me....because, at this moment, it would clarify something. Bring back that fragment of time when I felt I was able to move on.........or something.

Perhaps it's of no use right now......which I believe to be true.

Regardless, Susan, I'm glad to have you in my life and I hope we can continue knowing, supporting and helping each other.

*BIG HUGS* to you :)

Sesame Pasta Chicken Salad

2008-07-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

Sesame Pasta Chicken Salad
"A refreshing light pasta salad with a delicious Asian flair. Great for a summer cookout or picnic."

INGREDIENTS:
1/4 cup sesame seeds
1 (16 ounce) package bow tie pasta (used whole wheat rotini)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup light soy sauce
1/3 cup rice vinegar
1 teaspoon sesame oil
3 tablespoons white sugar (used less)
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger (used more.....fresh and minced)
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 cups shredded, cooked chicken breast meat
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1/3 cup chopped green onion

DIRECTIONS:
1. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat. Add sesame seeds, and cook stirring frequently until lightly toasted. Remove from heat, and set aside.
2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta, and cook for 8 to 10 minutes, or until al dente. Drain pasta, and rinse under cold water until cool. Transfer to a large bowl.
3. In a jar with a tight-fitting lid, combine vegetable oil, soy sauce, vinegar, sesame oil, sugar, sesame seeds, ginger, and pepper. Shake well.
4. Pour sesame dressing over pasta, and toss to coat evenly. Gently mix in chicken, cilantro, and green onions.

Kimberley adds:

Shredded carrot -- about 1/3 cup

Snow peas -- about 1 cup

Fresh, minced garlic -- about 2 Tbsp to dressing

Uh Oh....did I forget to encrypt something ?

2008-07-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 19 2008 @ 10:38 AM EDTContributed by: PrivacyNews

On Memorial Day, the offices of Colt Express Outsourcing Services, Inc. in Walnut Creek, California were burglarized. Computers containing the personal information of approximately 6,500 of CNet's current and former employees and their dependents were stolen.

On June 4, Colt notified CNet of the incident. Colt administers CNet's employee benefits plan, and the information on the stolen computers included first and last names, dates of birth, Social Security numbers, addresses, hire dates, benefits group numbers and relationship to policyholder (for dependents).

CNet was not the only Colt client whose data were on the stolen computers. According to the notification letter from Alan Charles Raul of Sidley Austin LLP, CNet was "among many of Colt's clients whose data were on the stolen computers."

In his notification letter to CNet, Samuel G. Colt III, CEO, wrote:By this letter and enclosures, we are providing you with all of the information we believe you need, and that we are able to give you. We do not have the resources, financial and otherwise, to assist you further. Towards the end of last year, our customer base was reduced to an unsustainable level. Colt has been in the process of going out of business, while at the same time providing time for remaining customers to find alternative solutions. Those decisions are now final."

A state-by-state breakdown of the number of CNet employees and dependents is included with the letter. Of the 6500 affected, over 4,000 employees and dependents are in California.
CNet arranged with Equifax to offer its employees the Credit Watch Gold program.

Updated 6-23-08: A Cnet spokesperson just confirmed that the data on the stolen computer were not encrypted. The computer has not been recovered to date. So far, there have been no reports of misuse of the data
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Aside from the obvious, this is irritating because one would hope that a company that does business with such names as Google and Cnet would have their ducks lined up - apparently not.

Minerals-a-go-go

2008-07-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

So I gave into the frenzy of Bare Escentuals. It was a hot day, I was on my second beer and I was crazy with the idea of wanting something new. LCF had yet another post about BE and the raves droned on into the night from those crazed fanatics with perfect skin.

So I did it. I ordered the starter kit (Fairly Light/Light) and I've been swirling-tapping-buffing away ever since. I'm a makeup whore....I love to try new products and I love the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone. I am happy to report that the basic BE foundations do NOT have a shimmery, sparkly glow to them. THAT is the main thing that worried me. I believe the glow comes from the other powders - but I'll be testing that theory as well.

I don't like to change often and I stick with what I know works for me. I still wear liquid eyeliner like I did 20 years ago. It's me. I take pride in having a steady hand and perfectly lined kick ass eyes. I've been using Cover Girl Clean Pressed Powder in Classic Ivory since HS. (That's right, I have and I just don't see a reason to change !) It's the perfect light shade....most other offerings are not as good or as light ! (thanks to Deana Drenik for that recommendation oh-so-many-years ago....where ever you are) I also refuse to use mascara on the bottom lashes. I can't say I've ever willingly applied it to them. I just doesn't belong.

The other wacky-outside-the-box-thing I've started experimenting with is blush. I've been opposed to blush since day one - but I'm trying to allow it to find its place and I think I'm ok with it. Prior to BE, I'd casually messed with a Clinique blush sample. It didn't seem to show very much, but I can notice it in pictures. It gives that healthy glow and seems to fit in for the summer months. (Egads....I'm saying this and it's weird). The BE starter kit came with "Warmth". Warmth scares the crap out of me. It's DARK and once applied, it's just THERE. So I very carefully and sparingly apply a few morsels to my brush and blend with a ferocity that should peel the paint off the walls.

My next exciting purchase will be Glee. I like the idea of getting the "look of pure joy". Not often do we get this kind of opportunity ! PURE JOY folks.......not "just kinda happy". In the video that comes with the starter kit, the commentator says that it was scientifically found to resemble the color of a woman's cheeks when she's very happy (or something along those lines). Wow, that sounds.......so bizarre. Like a group of white lab coats observed a gaggle of ladies and told them a variety of orgasmic lies and then took notes on the color of their cheeks ? (or something....)

Another item which calls to me is Flawless Radiance which is described as a sheer luminous ivory. Ooooh, that sounds nice. Perhaps I shall resemble....or not. I'll let you know.

The glimmers and glimpses speak to me also, but I have such a stash of Clinique eyeshadows at the moment, I just haven't talked myself into them. I would like to head over to the local Makeup Mecca and play...and maybe that will change my mind.

So to summarize, BE is supposedly "makeup so pure you can sleep in it". I have indeed failed to notice one blackhead since using it this week. Not a one. This makes me happy (or gleeful ?) I have not noticed my pores minimizing either. Nor have I really seen my skin tone or texture improve (it wasn't bad to begin with, but I am generally oily - especially in this hellish humidy)

But it's only been a week....perhaps the benefits are still yet to come !

Friday

2008-07-11T16:36:00.001-07:00

The next best thing to having Friday off is to get off early......unexpectedly.....and proceding to get a pedicure. I mean, seriously......does it get better than this ? Oh, wait......and THEN get home and have your lovely honey hand you an ice cold beer and give you a big kiss.

Life is good right about now.

I contemplated doing something after the pedicure - the mall ? frivolous shopping for BE items ? TJ's ? Safeway ? Instead, I pointed the car in the homeward direction and it was full speed ahead.

The other awesome thing is we have NO PLANS for the weekend. The world is our oyster, so to speak. I thought of doing some gardening, but at this point, I imagine it's going to be too toasty for this fair skinned chick. We're in the midst of watching Weeds:Season 1. OMG....why have I not watched this sooner ? Entertaining, witty, controversial and edgy. We're onto disc 2 at this point. After we're caught up with Weeds, perhaps we'll get into Lost. Two non-TV-watchers loving all the shows at our leisure - able to power through without a mere commercial interruption.

That, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Contemplating

2008-07-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided this whole blog is great, yet, not the place to professionally blog.

My name's all over it.
I'm posting about movies and other unrelated personal drivel.

It's not bad, but it's not right. I'm wracking my brain with ideas on catchy things to name a different blog and it's not coming to me. I'm sure I'll sit straight up in bed at 2:31am and say "Ah Ha" and then all will be right with the world. But now.....ya, it's not happening.

The urge for anonymity is a common thread in all of us, I think. Of course, I do not believe that really exists - but I believe there are covers one can stay under to remain relatively unknown. I don't mean I want to leak trade secrets or banter about my latest irritation with a client......but somehow, giving advice or retelling a story is just better when the world doesn't know who you are.

Plus, could I post the above picture in a professional blog ? I could, but would you respect me in the morning ?

Some colleagues are comfortable or at a place in their career where it's absolutely cool for them to mix the two. I get that. I think that's awesome. I just have this NEED to find the line and drag it around where I see fit.

I'm excited to be tapping into other resources. Finding a few brilliant individuals online who are blogging and inspiring me. That's a great thing ! There really are SO MANY amazing minds out there.

You know who you are.

In other news..........summer has arrived, I think. We were supposed to hit 90 today and I think it came close, if not there. I left the office cold and welcomed the warmth of the car (for a change, I wasn't cursing the heat)

So, I'll see you at 2:32am ?

Wanted....

2008-07-06T09:28:00.001-07:00

She's stunning and Wanted definitely gave me my fill of Angie. Other than the ultra-violence, bullet time, quirky stop-motion filming, Wanted made me feel like I was watching Fight Club all over again. Which in itself is not a bad thing. However, it's been done and it was done well -- Wanted was just slow on the draw (by several years). It had more action packed into it than I thought possible and made my brain tickle pleasantly with the story around an underground society. But again, Fight Club. I couldn't get over that and let it be for what it was.

Plus, "The Fraternity" is a ridiculous name for an uber cool guild of assassins.

The Mr. was shocked at the ending dialogue - Wesley's ideas on "taking back his life". Right/wrong....giving the wrong person the wrong idea of how to "deal with" a cheating ex or a job that sucks or.....you get the idea. Do they need Hollywood to give them the wrong idea ? Will this movie push someone over the edge of which they have not traveled yet ?

For what it's worth, I found this over-the-top violence so much less traumatic than say.....I Am Legend or even Natural Born Killers. (both which had me in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and sobbing softly). Sensitive I am.

ETA: Angie is entirely TOO skinny in this movie. While she looks stunning, she could stand a few more pounds on her frame. Her arms resemble those of the next child she plans to adopt.

Oh no she didn't.....

Intros and Obsessions

2008-07-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

An appropriate question....being that we've just met...

My alternative work days (thank you 94.7) are spent recruiting for a variety of clients in the Portland area. It's a love/hate relationship. For the most part, I love what I do - but I am destined for more. My next goal is to move into an on site or corporate recruiting role. I want to specialize. There are days.....oh there ARE days where the agency role makes me feel cheap. I'll leave it at that, for now.

And when I'm not mining for talent, you may find me geeking out with World of Warcraft, experimenting in the kitchen with a new exciting food or enjoying time with family on the Oregon coast. Lately I'm branching out....I'm reconnecting and relearning what is important to me. Because, there's got to be more than this - Right ?

Immediate obsessions:

A new SG bass

An Electra bicycle

I'll leave the obsessions as is for now....