...and she's off...

fur·lough (fûr'lō)

–noun
1.Military. a vacation or leave of absence granted to an enlisted person.
2.a usually temporary layoff from work: Many plant workers have been forced to go on furlough.
3.a temporary leave of absence authorized for a prisoner from a penitentiary.

–verb (used with object)
4.to grant a furlough to.
5.to lay (an employee or worker) off from work, usually temporarily.

Today was my first official day off on a week long furlough. I have promised myself to NOT be so emotionally raked over the proverbial coals this time. The economy takes a toll on my psyche quite often and furlough days can just send me into a complete spiral. So, to counteract the possibilities, I am trying to keep busy. Tomorrow, I go back to my new natureopath and then maybe I'll walk around downtown a bit ? I also plan to grab my camera and head off to the The Oregon Garden on Wednesday or Thursday for some exploring and fun. Egads, and I have a stack of books begging to be read ! I have to consciously attempt to not allow myself to get too up in my head. I need to remember to breath, relax and enjoy the time off.

Breath.

Hubby and I are going to do a Harry Potter marathon too ! Snacks, drinks and the whole set of HP dvds back to back ! We're geeks !

I've been SO up in my head and I continue to mean to get on here to work through it. That, as silly as it sounds, just feels HUGE. I mean, putting the demons in my head onto paper - to run and jump about - in the broad daylight for ALL to see ?!. Uff....that's big. I haven't gotten that brave yet. I do keep taunting and threatening my head with calling someone to help, but haven't gotten *that* brave yet either.

Somethings gotta give.

I'll be back here in the next few days to report my progress...I promise.

ZOMG, before I go though - srsly ! I downloaded and have attempted to reacquaint myself with Anarchy Online because well.....I have time. What a piece of crap game >.< I should be a kinder, gentler kind of player - but wow. Bad graphics, confusing game play, dumb UI.

That, my friend, is NO way to spend a week off unpaid.

Turning the page

That title bothers me because it doesn't necessarily say what I want it to. My original thought process was, "Do you ever get to a point in your life when you know you can't keep doing what you're doing and that changes need to be made ?"

I'm there.

"Turning the page" is so dramatic and forlorn and that's just not the tone I'm trying to fill you with. Just more of a "I'm tired and I'm not going to take it anymore". Oh, that's good. I *am* tired. I *don't* want to take it anymore.

So the weekend began as gloriously as most weekends do. Options galore and an amazing amount of free time to do with as I please. I embroidered quite a bit because I wanted to finish my Mother's Day gift (pics of that later once I'm reunited with my camera). I'm quite pleased with the way it turned out, but I do really need to take out her lips and redo. Why did I think pale pink was the way to go ? Pfft. Her glory is quieted by her pale lips. Anyway, Saturday was leisurely sublime. I embroidered, watched Repo! The Genetic Opera, watered plants, cleaned the carpets and just enjoyed the day.

Today *cry* I have been plagued with heartburn. Not the normal "meh, I am uncomfortable" type of heartburn but the "omg, I wonder what's wrong with me" type of heartburn. I have been reading too much, imagining the horrific tests *they* are going to want to do and have visions of Clockwork Orange floating in my brain.

*pout*

Friday night and Saturday night = no good sleep. I woke up a lot and just didn't get a restful night's sleep. Today I am feeling cheated of my weekend.

Weekends such as this make me wonder if I'm in the right frame of mind. I've needed help before and sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off with more help ? I find myself so engaged in the internal drama and the infinite sadness that I wonder if this is too much for a girl like me to handle. Another reoccurring dilemma that flitters about in my brain once in awhile yet commonly left often unspoken is the number of nervous breakdowns that have happened in my family.

I have to wonder - how far is too far ?

...and compounded with my stomach issues (which like a Woody Allen movie, I am sure it's an ulcer) I have to contemplate that it's time I take care of ME.

NOW.

*moment of silence*

Back to Clockwork....the horrific things they shall do.

*sigh*

I'm better than this.

fin.

Springy Springtime! - Sublime Stitching Tote

It was time to jump back into embroidery. I've always admired Sublime Stitching's work and since friending her on FB, I've gotten the itch to start something. Then, she posted the above bag - and I HAD to have it. Like now. Since then, I've dusted off my beloved books, brought out the box o' floss and sharpened my needles. THEN, coincidentally and like a sign from the floss fairy, the power went out so I happily found myself lounging in bed stitching away with no other possible distraction.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself visually assaulted with the occasional stitching project here. I mean, everything in moderation, right ?

Oh my...

Strawberry Empanadas
adapted from the InterCourses Cookbook*

1/4 cup reduced fat cream cheese
2 tablespoons brown sugar (I like dark)
2/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh strawberries
1 6-count package refrigerated crescent rolls

Topping (optional)
1 pat of butter
1 tablespoon cinnamon/sugar mix

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Blend the cream cheese and brown sugar in a small bowl. Gently fold in chopped strawberries.
3. Unroll the crescent dough, separating the six triangular pieces. Plop about a tablespoon of the cream cheese filling into the middle of the widest part of the triangle. Fold up the bottom, crimping the side, then wrap the remaining dough around the bundle. Make sure there's no holes where the filling can leak out.
4. Bake for 16-19 minutes, until golden brown and puffy.
5. If you want to use topping, brush the pat of butter gently over the top of oven-warm pastry, then sprinkle with a little of the cinnamon/sugar mix.

Makes 6 Strawberry Empanadas

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This delectable idea brought to you via hand/eye/mind/mouth. Visit for pics <3

A horse with no name...

At work we listen to a "work friendly" radio station -- Charlie 97.1 - "we play everything" - that's their tag line. And yes, they do. From Prince, to America, to Ratt, to god knows what. Anyway, they play "A Horse With No Name" by America once in awhile. Every time I hear it, it sits with me for a while after and kind of wraps itself around my frontal lobe and cuddles. So, today it comes on and I realize that it's making its way into my head again and I need to know what the hell it is ! I google the lyrics I can grab and find out it's America.

Who knew.

This is the first song I knowingly realize is by America.

Who knew.

Anyway, it's rad. Someone needs to redo this song....someone ? Hmmm....I'll have to ponder that idea.

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Last time we spoke, I was ranting about food, eating habits (or lack thereof) and self inflicted restraints. I don't know if I want to talk about that right now. It's a big topic and one that I have so many thoughts on. It's annoying. Big. Annoying. Somewhat on the topic, we got 6 boxes - we're talking roughly 72 DOZEN - cookies from one of my clients. They are closing one of their production facilities in our area and apparently have a ton of product to either dump, give away or donate. Insane and bordering on gross.

Well, that was a tangent. Stay with me here.

I've discussed dreams before - pondered them in print. It's odd how they can hang with you so intensely. I dreamed of being in my old room last night. My door wouldn't stay closed for some reason. I kept trying to shove folded pieces of paper in to keep it closed. My mom kept knocking, coming in, giving me folded clothes to put away, etc. I was alone in my room with a boy. I was never allowed to be alone in my room with a boy. *squee* But the door would not cooperate. The funny thing is, in this dream, I was whisked back to being 16, giddy and goofy. Trying to be grownup but annoyed far too much to keep my composure.

Weird.

Eat Me.

This thread was going to be titled, "Eat Me" ala Alice in Wonderland, but I figured that might be too in your face. So as I start writing, it goes unnamed. I was just in the kitchen preparing meatloaf for dinner and got to thinking about eating, the (in)ability to eat and/or restrictions that we put on ourselves all in the name of eating. I don't mean restrictions to maintain a healthy lifestyle, I mean....other restrictions.

Wait, wait....wait. Let me get my thought process started at the beginning and we'll finish at the end - shall we ?

So the last time I was visiting my parents, I noticed that my Dad had his crusts cut off his sandwich. Seemingly surprised, I asked why. Because it gets too tough to chew with his dentures. Makes sense. I actually felt a little sheepish for asking, but moved past it. Today, as we talked on the phone, Mom mentioned a recipe for Lavender Biscotti and Dad quickly added, "oh, I love biscotti".

Huh.

"But it's so hard" ?

Silence. On to next topic.

As I mixed up the meatloaf, I was deep in thought of how eating is tied up in so many things for us as humans. We get nourished by food, not only physically, but emotionally. We eat a certain type of food and we're instantly whisked back to a time in our past that holds dear to our heart.....or not. Depending on how our family ate definitely is embedded in how we eat now, as adults. I've always been proud of the fact that as a child, dinner was a very important time in our house. 5:00pm came and if I wasn't home with a good reason, there was going to be hell to pay. We sat down as a family, recounted our days, and shared a home cooked meal. From scratch - fresh, international, interesting meals. We laughed, we cried, we yelled or we just ate and enjoyed the company. Either way, eating dinner together has been ingrained in me as something that is important.

The food we ate didn't follow a low-carb/low-fat/gluten-free/vegan/vegetarian or otherwise restricted regime. It was whole food. Unprocessed and uncompromised.

Here is where things get confusing.

As a species, how can we have so many different ways of eating ? Forgive me, I'm not a specialist in dietary needs or restrictions - but when you stop to think about it, it's really interesting how we all have such different ideas/needs on what to eat. I am lead to wonder if all the processed-quickie types of foods have hurt us to the point of desperately grasping at a new allergy ?

Personally, I had felt like I found a health mecca when I was first introduced to low-carb. After battling internally the LC concept for literally years, I gave in and saw my body transform. It was amazing, shocking, it grasped at my psyche like a drug. I dreamed of hot, crusty bread and fought the urge to eat any sugar at all. As with any drug, once it's out of your system, the cravings subside. I was at one with my desires and was ready to take on the world. The thing is, avoiding carbs and sugar is really tough and I really started questioning my need for them. Not my desire to have them in all that I eat, but in moderation. My dietary need for the variety.

Dad has always said, "Everything in moderation" and I have to agree with that idea. Carbs can't be the enemy. Carbs in extreme are the enemy. Huge amounts of sugar in all that we eat is the enemy.

Where am I going with this ?

Oi. I think this post is going to need a "Part 2".

Seriously, it's time for mashed potatoes, meatloaf and brussels spouts !

And for the record, it's being titled EAT ME.

In Love, Part II

It's the weekend. I know, in reality, that every weekend is glorious in its own special way. Each Friday brings about a new excitement, hopes, dreams, books to read, seeds to sow, games to play, dragons to slay and drinks to sip.

I digress, *this* weekend is the first weekend of warm, sunny weather here in Portland. And while I'm not a fan of bright, basking types of days, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I have little sprouted seeds to plant outside and a bookstore that is calling my name. I have an awkward stack of books next to the bed and a head full of weird items that really should hit paper soon. I have toes that whimper to be painted, legs that need a shaving, a funny faded mess of red hair that would love yet another dye job and a pocket full of change...?.....no, I don't have a pocket full of change. One other thing I do have is a desk full of perfume bottles that have not been unpacked. They need places too !

Oh, and I have a pizza in the oven (right here right now) and not one, but TWO movies that we've never watched just waiting patiently on the coffee table. While they are not amazing movies, they are the new James Bond and Bedtime Stories.

...and I have a glass of Stoly and Diet Pepsi next to me.

I also have a twitchy right eye o.O left over from the stress or something.

In Love....

So, I take a gander at my sad, lonely blog and I'm in love all over again. Ooooh, how the words slide together like oiled cucumbers wrapped in cling wrap...the way the fontalicious images explode in my brain. I love it !

It's been a while. A long while. My brain has been working overtime and I'm ready for the ideas to hit screen soon. Funny how other things/items/time-consuming-crap can take over one's time in no time flat.

I have big plans for a better update in the morning....from my laptop, at work, with my hand wrapped around a cup of green tea.

Until then, sweet dreams and may Chef rock your socks.