and life returns to the ebb and flow we knew...

So after the climatic moments we expected, we're back. I have refrained from posting about my Twilight finalization because I can't seem to find the words that will work with what I'm thinking.

The series was an emotional drain, but in a good way for the most part. I loved the characters. I loved the emotions the words brought forward in my being. I love the giddy-i-can't-wait-to read-again feeling I got while dancing through these books.

As a forgotten lover or your lost favorite pair of socks, I feel lonely.

Upon finishing, I found Breaking Dawn to be exciting and action packed. As I came down off my high, I felt jilted and awe struck at so many of the happenings (or lack thereof).

The pregnancy.
The transformation.
The "war".
The new characters.
The lack of Edward.
The name.
The lack of Alice.

The lack of magic.

This book appears to have been written in haste. The ending being brought to a quick and sloppy climax, only to come crashing down like a deck of ill placed cards.

Why have you forsaken me ?

I am not regretful to have read Breaking Dawn, don't get me wrong. I couldn't/wouldn't NOT have read it. But somehow, I feel sad. And as much as I thought I'd want to run back and begin Twilight all over again, I feel that throbbing pain one gets when they drive by an old lover's home or when you instinctively order what you always drank as a couple. I guess I just need time to heal and move on before I go down that path again.

"Hello Bill, it's been quite some time. How are you ? You look well...."

Other than the mundane broken heart, it's Friday ! This girl is ever-so-happy to be graced with another Friday and another disk of Lost to take her mind off the fresh mental paper cuts.

It's over...

I'm done.

I finished BD last night.

Full review to follow...soon. Roderic is flying through Eclipse and as soon as he's finished, I'll spill.

I promise.

Now go have a good Tuesday. *grumblegrumble*

Truth

There is nothing for you to go back and live over, or fix, or feel regret about now. Every part of your life has unfolded just right. And so --now -- knowing all that you know from where you now stand, now what do you want? The answers are now coming forth to you. Go forth in joy, and get on with it.

Gently borrowed from the Abraham-Hicks Daily Quote.

I find this so wonderfully comforting in a way. In reality, there ARE so many things I've always thought I'd love to experience again...because of the beauty, the emotion, the sheer bliss of it all. Yet, when you ponder this idea, you have to accept the concept of taking the bad with the good and to experience everything again, I don't know.

Maybe ?

As I continue to blog about it, it's obvious I'm wrapped up in the world of Twilight. I'm actually fully aware that I will probably want to "revamp" (i.e., re-read the series - thank you TM) once I've finished Breaking Dawn. That is, unless BD makes me die a slow and silent death and I am unable to function ever again. I have always felt that life is too short to continue re-reading the same books. My list is long and I am surrounded by stacks and stacks of books -- but again, this is different.

This is Twilight.

I've attempted to quench my passion for the series by spending time at the TM forums. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel absolutely overwhelmed by that site. While it's refreshing and sometimes freaky to read posts by others in a similar state of mind, I find myself unsure of where to start, unable to find the "right place" to jump in and frankly, I just feel awkward. It's amazing and strange to read posts by so many others who are swept up into the world of Twilight like a zombie plague. There are individuals from all walks of life, all ages, all genders, all nationalities that can't seem to get enough. I also can't help but feel like I'm coming in to this whole obsession a little late. The momentum that this series has created is incredible and awe inspiring and I'm desperately trying to get up to speed while keeping my sanity. I have felt that I'm usually in line with or before the wave -- yet, this one I missed - completely. I can think back on seeing the books at Costco, Barnes and Noble, Borders....yet, I avoided them. The covers are lovely and I remember seeing them and admiring them, yet, I didn't bother looking further ?! (I have found some awesome books just by loving the covers). My lack of knowledge or foresight is nearly a paranormal experience in and of itself.

And now the true fan-grrl declaration: I can't help but feel that MY connection is so different. Almost like having a smug superiority complex, but not in the ultra-bitchy kind of way.

(I do hope that last statement doesn't land me on a few hate lists ! I just need to try to get the thought process down !)

Supporting evidence as to why I am smug, superior and (ultra) bitchy ?

Yes, yes...I know. But see, if I start popping off with WHY then I will be tossed away into a dark room and the key will be hidden somewhere smelly and forbidden and I'll be missed.

By someone.

Maybe.

Why ?

I'm slowly, slowly reading Eclipse...I think I'm on chapter 3. I find myself savoring each page, slowly. It's sick, isn't it ?

So, this crazy, numb sickness has me thinking. I've been wanting to post - to dive into all the ideas that are floating around in my brain - but it's too fresh. It's something I can't put a finger on just yet. So, I caved and went to TwilightMoms to read about what other "adults" had to say. One particular poster (imarriededward) seemed to say something interesting,

"As for this strange addiction.... I am an Educational Psychologist. I have been wracking my brain for why I have responded in this strange manner to a book. Why so many women have responded this way to a book. Particularly grown women. I myself was very embarrassed that I should feel this way about a Young Adult book. I felt I was above that, being a fan of the Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, etc..... Adult books. But these books have never affected me in this way. I have read Jane Austen's works several times, over and over, but never the same book just after I have finished it. I have never read them during the day, not able to put them down or complete my daily activities. But here is what I have come up with. You may not agree, but I am confounded by this response so many of us have. So this is the best I can do:

First of all, what seems to be so good about Stephenie Meyer's writing is that it is so easy to connect with Bella. You think something, and then you read that she is thinking the same thing. You feel something and then she feels it. The emotions and thoughts you are having are those that you may have had at a younger stage in life with a first love. That thumping of the heart, thrills sent down your spine, blushes rushing to your cheeks. These physiological responses are in themselves addicting. They feel wonderful. When you read Stephenie's books, you have these incredible feelings like you are walking on a cloud. Just like with a first love, you find yourself thinking about it all day long. Because just thinking about it evokes a shadow or trace of these physiological experiences.This is addicting. You read the books over and over again to experience these same physiological responses.

Now, why does it affect girls ages 12 to ?. While our bodies may be getting older, our minds do not, and they still are able to crave these experiences as though we were 18 and having them for the first time. In fact, they make us feel as if we were 18 again, which is reinforcing in and of itself for those of us who wish we were not aging so quickly.

Just a theory"

When I read this, I almost cried. Not because it was so spot on, but because it gave such a realistic, normal explanation to what I had been going through and suddenly, I felt old.

On a day to day basis, I don't feel old. I feel pretty much as I always have, with a few slight exceptions. Exceptions aside, I feel that I have become wiser and perhaps more insightful, but I don't feel old. I won't cave into this particular post from the lovely "imarriededward" 100%. (btw, odd that an "Educational Psychologist" chose such a chipper screen name ?) I have other items, thoughts, memories that send tingles up my spine as I read this series..........memories that are TOO spot on. Similarities in relationships that make me put the book down to rethink things. I often need time to sort my thoughts, draw the lines and try to move on.

These days, I often think, "why can't I be reading one of the books from the Southern Vampire series ?" I would be engrossed and tantalized, but not a walking zombie girl full of angst. *sneers*

In other news, this girly is off to the coast tomorrow afternoon to see my parents for the weekend. I will be equipped with Eclipse, a camera and an Americano big enough for Tibet.

Swooning

That's how it ends. After finishing New Moon, I'm swooning. And absolutely obsessed. I skipped through Twilight a bit slower, edging myself back and trying to read with an even and steady, but not devouring pace. I was up too late several nights, but I forced the breaks and was satisfied with my restrain. Regardless of the control, I felt like I was walking in a daze several days - caught up in the emotion of the book. At times, unable to keep myself from entirely sinking into the depths of it all.

New Moon - I started on Saturday at 9am and really had to force myself to stop last night - I read the last chapter this morning. While I can now say that I really enjoyed NM, I didn't feel that way the entire time. I was miserable while reading. I had a gaping hole in my chest also as I didn't really want to believe what I was reading. By the last few chapters, I was feeling better, hopeful.....alive again. I feel like it's ok to relax, that things are back the way they should be. There were several times in NM where I felt Stephenie added too many adverse emotions - it bordered on showing its true nature of being a teen novel. I was swept back to memories of Judy Blume books and the over written angst. Obviously, those were brief moments but still present, at times. Or perhaps those were my own emotions being interjected - the desire...no, the NEED to have things work out as I felt they had to and my irritation at the characters fighting the inevitable.

I already feel absolute dread for Breaking Dawn. It's all unfounded - I haven't read a thing about it, but just knowing that others are so unhappy with it, I'm already fearful. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though - Eclipse is next....today. I'll try to pace myself a bit more again since I already feel the intense fear of reading too quickly, having it all over too soon and being left alone.

In other news, I haven't done a damn thing this weekend other than read, sitting in front of my beloved a/c unit. Part of me would like to do the same thing today as soon as I get my hands on Eclipse, but I won't....I can't. I need to give my head a break from the fantasy - I have laundry to be done and I need to get out to remind myself of what I really have going in my little corner of the world. May I add that it was HOT yesterday - like, really, really hot and muggy. I suppose that made it easy to stay perched in front of the icy breeze. Today should be better....still hot, but not as unbearable.

The Bag and The Messenger

The perfect messenger bag - resolved. I found this at at Barnes & Noble tonight (the store, not online). Finally, the right size bag, several compartments, not just plain and boring, but not stupid, plastic and girly. Snapped pockets, a zippered pocket, places for pens/small items, a key hook, an outside zippered area........ah. The design which appears to be grey in the picture is much more subdued in person....it's perfect !!

Also, New Moon.

I'm nearly done with Twilight, but not quite. I knew I could NOT finish Twilight without an arsenal of words to follow it......so, that's handled for the time being.

For those who may have not heard, Twilight the movie is being pushed up to November 21st, 2008 while HP is being nudged back to next year.

Sorry, Harry.

Zen & Blood

Zen

I realized that the airing of negativity may be wrong for this little corner of my world. Actually, I struggle with the rightness/wrongness of it all. While I think it can be healthy to rant, I also listen to the idea that you will harvest what you sow. Or more eloquently put, "When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint. Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone that will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you. "

So, is it harmful or helpful to get the irritation out of one's mind by writing about it or not ? Allowing it to bounce around in one's head isn't the answer. Not allowing yourself to label it as irritating in the first place is the best answer, but I'd have to be Ghandi to achieve that level of awareness and peace.

Ranting is part of my love for writing - the freedom to express - freedom to be sarcastic - the ability to take a moment and lay the words across the screen in a way that makes everyone who reads it feel that moment as if they were witness to it. As my mom has and will continue to say, "Kimberley, don't be so critical". But, but....that's just who I am. I suppose the previous post just bothered me -- like, I came back to my little corner and fouled the air here with garbage that means nothing.

nam-yo-ho-renge-kyo
________________________________

Blood

While so many of the thoughts running through my mind will seriously label me as a pathetic fan-grrl, I have to share.

I am so loving Twilight.

There, I said it. It's nearly indescribable how it makes me feel and all the scattered pieces of memories it brings back from various times in my past. The butterflies have yet to cease and as so many have said, I find myself obsessed with reading and reading and reading. The writing is simple and fast, yet somehow the story is magical. I would not have expected a "teen novel" to carry quite so much emotion/drama and have the ability to have such an intense hold on me. That sounds completely insane, doesn't it ? My love for vampire literature goes way back, but Twilight is special...somehow.

I'm staring at the blinking cursor and am completely at a loss for words. Perhaps I should stop my Twilight update now....without going into pitiful descriptions there's not much else to be said.

Twilight

As many individuals recently have, I started reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I've been reading Working for the Devil and for whatever reason, it's been oh-so-hard to get into. Perhaps it's that I try reading when we go to bed - and by that point, I'm ready to collapse most nights. Or maybe it's because I just can't get into the style of writing. Or perhaps it's something else. Either way, I've been missing that desperate feeling one gets when they want to read the book they have going on because it's so gripping/good/enjoyable (or pick a different word that works for you - there are several to choose from and they're small).

For the record, I find Twilight teases me enough to continue reading....urging me to turn yet another page and another. The beautiful characters performing in just a way across the text that makes it quite difficult to put down. And with that said, I guess it appeals to my inner vampire fangrrl....my young, pale skinned, wide eyed girl that eats up a good vampire-in-love-tale as the next. As crazy as this sounds, I think I can literally feel the butterflies in Bella's stomach as the tale progresses. I can nearly taste the yearning for acceptance, for excitement, for something new outside of what life has currently offered.

Yum.

From what I've seen of the pictures from the upcoming movie, I'm not entirely impressed with the selection for Edward.

He's not handsome enough.

Dude, at all.

Ummm.....ew.

/inner vampire fangrrl

Aside from the disturbing picture above, as I've stated previously, I am totally enjoying the writing, the quick reading and the fun, easy drama that is woven throughout the fabric of the story. It's what I needed. At this point, I totally see myself devouring this saga of books for awhile.

Prior to Twilight, the last vampire saga I was involved with was Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire Series. From what I've read, they are similar in the sense that they are quick, enthralling and written in a way that makes it fun for the reader. Purely from a reading and longing standpoint, Edward is much yummier than Bill. Yet, at this point, Bill's maturity from being alive quite as long as he has, is more attractive than Edward. I haven't actually learned how long Edward has been around just yet - but if I had to guess, not as long as Bill. Eric, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. He has the fiery, young masculinity that makes my heart go pitter patter.

What more could a girl ask for ? (especially a girl with a hungry inner vampire grrl). Go, buy Twilight and join the herd as I have. Don't be ashamed, we have cookies over here.