Friday, December 12, 2008

I'll miss you, Bettie.



1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85
By BOB THOMAS Bob Thomas
Thu Dec 11, 11:56 pm ET

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, said her agent, Mark Roesler. He said he and Page's family agreed to remove life support. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

"She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," Roesler said. "She is the embodiment of beauty."

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," Playboy founder Hugh Hefner told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She was a very dear person."

Page mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for decades, during which time she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

"I don't want to be photographed in my old age," she told an interviewer in 1998. "I feel the same way with old movie stars. ... It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young."

The 21st century indeed had people remembering her just as she was. She became the subject of songs, biographies, Web sites, comic books, movies and documentaries. A new generation of fans bought thousands of copies of her photos, and some feminists hailed her as a pioneer of women's liberation.

Gretchen Mol portrayed her in 2005's "The Notorious Bettie Page" and Paige Richards had the role in 2004's "Bettie Page: Dark Angel." Page herself took part in the 1998 documentary "Betty Page: Pinup Queen."

Hefner said he last saw Page when he held a screening of "The Notorious Bettie Page" at the Playboy Mansion. He said she objected to the fact that the film referred to her as "notorious," but "we explained to her that it referred to the troubled times she had and was a good way to sell a movie."

Page's career began one day in October 1950 when she took a respite from her job as a secretary in a New York office for a walk along the beach at Coney Island. An amateur photographer named Jerry Tibbs admired the 27-year-old's firm, curvy body and asked her to pose.

Looking back on the career that followed, she told Playboy in 1998: "I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It's just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous."

Nudity didn't bother her, she said, explaining: "God approves of nudity. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they were naked as jaybirds."

In 1951, Page fell under the influence of a photographer and his sister who specialized in S&M. They cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature and posed her in spiked heels and little else. She was photographed with a whip in her hand, and in one session she was spread-eagled between two trees, her feet dangling.

"I thought my arms and legs would come out of their sockets," she said later.

Moralists denounced the photos as perversion, and Sen. Estes Kefauver of Tennessee, Page's home state, launched a congressional investigation.

Page quickly retreated from public view, later saying she was hounded by federal agents who waved her nude photos in her face. She also said she believed that, at age 34, her days as "the girl with the perfect figure" were nearly over.

She moved to Florida in 1957 and married a much younger man, as an early marriage to her high school sweetheart had ended in divorce.

Her second marriage also failed, as did a third, and she suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1959, she was lying on a sea wall in Key West when she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian.

After attending Bible school, she wanted to serve as a missionary but was turned down because she had been divorced. Instead, she worked full-time for evangelist Billy Graham's ministry.

A move to Southern California in 1979 brought more troubles.

She was arrested after an altercation with her landlady, and doctors who examined her determined she had acute schizophrenia. She spent 20 months in a state mental hospital in San Bernardino.

A fight with another landlord resulted in her arrest, but she was found not guilty because of insanity. She was placed under state supervision for eight years.

"She had a very turbulent life," Todd Mueller, a family friend and autograph seller, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She had a temper to her."

Mueller said he first met Page after tracking her down in the 1990s and persuaded her to do an autograph signing event.

He said she was a hit and sold about 3,000 autographs, usually for $200 to $300 each.

"Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40 to $50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all," he told The AP last week.

Born April 22, 1923, in Nashville, Tenn., Page said she grew up in a family so poor "we were lucky to get an orange in our Christmas stockings."

The family included three boys and three girls, and Page said her father molested all of the girls.

After the Pages moved to Houston, her father decided to return to Tennessee and stole a police car for the trip. He was sent to prison, and for a time Betty lived in an orphanage.

In her teens she acted in high school plays, going on to study drama in New York and win a screen test from 20th Century Fox before her modeling career took off.

___

Associated Press writers Denise Petski and Raquel Maria Dillon contributed to this report.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Time is fleeting...

...so I felt this was appropriate. I love the Baz Luhrmann version. As I was alone in the office the other day listening to my radio station, this came on and just seemed appropriate. I've been somewhat melancholy lately and the words just fit perfectly...

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Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.


I will dispense this advice now.


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.


But trust me on the sunscreen.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Realllllllly......

I'm still here.


*cursor blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblinkkkkkkkkkk*



*blinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk*

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Clatter

The inconvenience is mine, she said.

I paid my toll and shuffled about, waiting for the next taxi. I got bored and I filed my nails and bit my lip until it bled. I spent what seemed like years prolifically watching your neurological blips trying to find the pattern to the crazed emotions and outwardly retained ego, to no avail. Just when I thought I could not go on any longer - not for another nanosecond - the sparkly ethereal would catch my eye and the same mundane process would begin.

Again.

It's like wandering in the dark, so often without a warm thought or a cold, snippy word to lash out with. Eyes like the slits of a snake - racing, tracing, pacing in the murk that was left for me (just me) only to find that the road is not a road and my thoughts are not my thoughts but perhaps an obscure dream of yesterday (scrawled lazily on the wall in an inky black smear) that I can't completely recall no matter how hard I try.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Everyday is Halloween

It's been too long since an update ! So here I am to wish everyone a happy happy Halloween and fill your brains with some tasty tidbits of daydreams.

The leaves in Oregon are beautiful right about now....well, I should say until yesterday. The rains have arrived today and it's going to be a leafy, squishy mess here pretty soon. The colours are those of New England - it's truly amazing and has quickly reaffirmed why this is my favourite time of year. I looove the rain too, so as you can imagine, I'm a giddy mess today.

The economy is really screwing with my recruiting mojo. The desperation level in Oregon is reaching maximum capacity. Companies are laying off, individuals are scrounging for anything they can find. I've had accountants, executive admins trying to convince me that I should consider them for a crappy warehouse position that pays $10/hour. *sigh* It makes things so tough - aside from the obvious, but it seriously makes me anxious to see so much desperation in the air.

Speaking of people looking for work, I had a cool interview with a guy this week that plays with Unfallen Heroes. We started discussing old school punk - Bad Religion, The Germs, Black Flag....and he said I should check them out. He dropped off a CD yesterday and they totally rock ! If you want to check out some local Portland talent, have a listen to them. (They have a few songs on their MySpace page). Thanks for the CD, Chris !

WoW and my little night elf druid has been keeping me entertained as I make the crawl to 70. I'm currently 59 and way too into it. Who knew I'd find a druid so exciting ? I suppose it's because they are so versatile and I'm really loving leatherworking and not to mention, the pure adrenaline of waiting for the Lich King ! So many new, cool things happening in game. It's hard NOT to be a totally geeky gamer grrl with the current electronic climate.

Speaking of being a geek, I got Fallout 3 yesterday :D I haven't played it yet (see above) but it came in the cutest little metal lunchbox and a bobble head Pip ! I have the "Making Of" with me today, so I'll check that out later to get my interest peaked a bit more.

Happy Halloween !

Monday, October 13, 2008

Stuffed Bell Peppers !

So, in times of need (aka diet) comes ingenuity. This recipe originally was labeled "Orzo Stuffed Bell Peppers" but I've modified it and made it better (IMO).


The participants in this play:

Prestuffing:

Blessed by Buddha prior to the oven:

...And upon leaving the oven:

The recipe:

Stuffed Bell Peppers

1 (28-ounce) can Italian tomatoes or diced tomatoes
2 zucchini, grated
1 lb. Italian sausage
red pepper flakes, to taste
1/8 cup chopped fresh mint leaves
1/2 cup grated Pecorino Romano, plus more for sprinkling
dash of Tom's Hot Sauce
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1-2 cups chicken broth
6 sweet bell peppers (red, orange or yellow)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Pour the tomatoes into a large bowl and break apart using a pair of kitchen shears or your finger tips. Add the zucchini, mint, cheese, olive oil, garlic, Tom's, salt, and pepper. Stir to combine.

Meanwhile, brown the sausage with a sprinkling of red pepper flakes until done. Stir the sausage into the vegetable mix to combine.

Slice the tops off the peppers and remove all ribs and seeds. Cut a very thin slice from the base to help the peppers stand up.

Place the peppers in the baking dish surrounded with the chicken broth. Spoon the mixture into the peppers. Cover the dish with foil and bake for 45 minutes. Remove the foil, sprinkle the top of each pepper with cheese and continue baking until the cheese is golden, about 15 minutes. Remove from the oven, carefully transfer the stuffed pepper to a serving plate.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Cranky and a headache !

Uff....stand back.

I started South Beach on Monday and I must have forgotten how CRANKY one can become after a few days with no carbs. I have a headache and I am peeing every 5 minutes but dammit, I'm down 4 pounds and it's day 4 !

Other than that, it's been a blurry week. The rain has officially returned to Portland and it's cooled down quite nicely. That means better sleep and better moods . I guess I'm the only freak alive who is absolutely in love with the rain. I definitely get giddy when it's gray and rainy.

Gray and rainy with no carbs.....ya, not so much.

There is something so satisfying with having apparent control over what you eat. I'm not *hungry* and it becomes quite obvious that most of the *bad* things I want are because of urges that have nothing to do with hunger. It seems to be something along the lines of texture, warmth, because I think I need a "reward" or because it's what I eat when I'm doing _____ . Like watching TV - the perfect time to snack on something sweet or have a beer. What about watching TV and drinking water ? Once I'm passed it, I'm still as satisfied, I enjoyed whatever it was I was watching just as much and whatever I do after is typically what I would do even if I would have eaten that cookie...or drank that beer. And maybe I feel better because I didn't eat/drink it.

*sigh*

It's all emotional. Really.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Best Meatloaf Evah

You heard that right, evah.

I didn't really foresee such a post. You know, about meatloaf but I made this last weekend and Roderic asked for it again this weekend. Really, it's that good.

Brown Sugar Meatloaf

INGREDIENTS
* 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
* 1/2 cup ketchup
* Tom's Hot Sauce (to taste)
* 2 pounds lean ground beef
* 3/4 cup milk
* 2 eggs
* 1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
* 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
* 1 shallot, chopped
* 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
* 1 cup finely crushed Ritz crumbs

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 5x9 inch loaf pan.
2. Press the brown sugar in the bottom of the prepared loaf pan and spread the ketchup over the sugar. I like to add Tom's HS to the ketchup and also to the meat mixture - how much is up to you.
3. In a mixing bowl, mix all remaining ingredients thoroughly and press into the loaf pan over ketchup.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour or until juices are clear.

One crazy thing I did this time was used cottage cheese to replace the milk (since we had no milk) and I'm hoping this is going to work. I'm all about guerrilla cooking.

I'll report back =)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

So incredibly tired. I'm a lunatic, seriously. Laughing, giggling, blabbing on and on about nonsense as my friends and coworkers stare on with confused expressions.

It's been a week and I haven't had a *normal* nights sleep. I've had a variety of distractions and interruptions that have barred me from just sleeping. I've made the Mr. crazy in bed (and not in a good way) because I've tossed or turned or snored or talked in my sleep. (or, the quilt is too "heavy", but that's another post).

So we have Mercury in retrograde until October 15th. That can screw everything up but I don't know if *that's* really it. I imagine it's the change from Summer to Fall. I mean, what else can it be other than writing it off as a nondescript "bad week" ?

I love the fall and winter. Like in a crazy, excited way. I can feel it in the very pit of my core...the butterflies start and I can barely hold myself in check. I find myself being torn into a million different memories as I sniff the air and watch the leaves slowly change from green to a myriad variations of red and gold.

This is MY time. I know Spring/Summer is the time that so many seem to love - the sun, the warmth and fun times. But for me, rain is energizing. Snow is amazing. A cold, rainy Saturday is the best weekend I can think of ! So I'm looking forward to slipping back into the comfort of Fall and Winter.

...and I have to acknowledge that it's one big plus of moving to Oregon. It's cooler here and the chances for snow are better than in my beloved Danville.

Let it snow ! (but for all that is holy, let me get a good night's sleep, please)

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Fallout of Amazon

Like so few things in life, this gives me an absolute giddy-as-a-schoolgirl-feeling....

Fallout 3 has a release date of October 28th and I've preordered my collector's edition copy :) Sadly, it's not in the original turn based, overhead view style, but I still think it's exciting. Even more exciting would have been if they would have released this as a MMORPG. At that point, I would have screeched and passed out with a grin on my face. That's ok though, you can't always get what you want (but you can try sometimes). Along with the game, I'm getting a bobble head Pip Boy, a metal lunch box and a book - woot !

I also added The Host to my Amazon order. I had a brief internal struggle with ordering this, but whatever, I went ahead and did it. I also have Dark Lover (thanks Mels) and Hairstyles of the Damned on the way. And for audio enjoyment, Brazilian Groove. Putumayo World Music has some great CD's. I learned of them from driving around with our real estate agent of all people. We found Brazilian Lounge at Powell's yesterday, but realized that Brazilian Groove was the one I really liked, so I had to remedy that. We also got French Café which is nice too.

It's a lovely, lazy Sunday. I plan to try a new recipe for meatloaf tonight - so I'll report back with pictures and commentary. I also got fingerling potatoes from Trader Joe's that I can't wait to try.

Enjoy !


Friday, September 26, 2008

Running Like Hell

I've officially committed myself to participating in the Run Like Hell 5k Race in Portland on Oct. 19th. The good thing is, this will force me to do some training, buy some new running shoes (which I've been putting off for a few months) and get some resemblance of exercise in my life. Woot ! I don't foresee dressing up, but I might surprise you.

I went back to Taglio Salon last night and saw Terra. She's awesome and does a great job with hair. After an ever-so-slight nudge, I ended up minus 5 inches. It's a bit of a shock to reach back and have no hair ! So now, it's just below my shoulders. I've been itching to do something but I haven't really known what so this is a great remedy. I'll get it dyed this weekend too and then I'll really feel sassy !

Roderic is particularly spry this morning as he gets word that his beloved Uerige Altbier is being imported to the US after nearly 11 years of absence from his life. We'll be on a mission this weekend as we check out a couple of secret Portland locations to see if we can find its existence. Let's hope the US rep is correct !

Fred is the first puppy I had the pleasure of having in my life. My mom and dad brought him home one day when I was 21 years old and I still remember how amazingly cute he was ! Puppies are cute. Dachshund puppies are cute. Fred's an old man now and his age is starting to show. They feel senility is to blame as well as an infection in his gums. I'll have to get a picture or two scanned in to post, because he really is a cutie.

Fred, feel better soon. Cloe sends a hug too =^..^=


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Rose Mouth

Crazy cosmic forces caused me to happen upon Gianluca Mattia and his amazing new wave version of the pin up girl. Amazing, bizarre and beautiful things abound ! Go look for yourself :)

It seems to have been an intense last week or two. It's been work, play, sleep, work, play, sleep.....in that order, everyday without fail. More work than play, sadly - but sometimes life is like that. I've been inspired on several occasions with ideas and mental scripts of things I've wanted to get up here but for one reason or another, (see second sentence of this paragraph) it hasn't happened. As luck would have it, I can't for the life of me gather those thoughts together right now. I often wish work was different or perhaps I wished that I worked differently - I get there and that's all I do (with the very occasional peak at email) is work. I find myself intense (there's that word again) on the day and focused on the task at hand. I would rather push myself than fudge around and have to stay late or work harder to make up for the distractions. I find this job to be different and more intense than any other I've ever done. Don't get me wrong - I love what I do, but I sometimes daydream about that patch of moss on the other side of the fence.

I'm going to the coast this weekend and hope to get some beautiful shots to share. I plan to make a concerted effort at creative photographic evidence for all to enjoy.

One other item from the edge - Read Your Mail ! Not one but TWO pieces of mail attempted to pull the wool over my eyes yesterday. In desperate times come desperate measures, so just read your mail. Not email, snail mail. It's evil - keep it in line.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

>: l

I am not amused.

Monday mornings have to be the most awful thing. Ever.

I was telling Susan awhile back how sad I have felt because since my Mormor passed away, I hadn't felt any presence of her. No dreams, no feelings of her being near to say goodbye....just, nothing. I have a strong memory of my other grandmother making a presence in my room shortly after she passed away. I had her bedroom furniture and one piece was a large mirror over a desk of sorts. I turned to look and she was there. Her reflection staring back at me. It wasn't scary, but lovely and reassuring.

I awoke this morning from having a dream that my Mormor wanted to give me a pair of earrings. They were small, polished round stones in the shapes of perfect little orbs -- pink and a dark green kind of swirled together. That's odd. I was crying when she gave them to me because they meant so much to me.

I don't know what this all means. I do know that I'm extremely tired and wish I didn't have to go to work. I know that when I get there, I will immerse myself in it and it will be ok, but geez, Mondays are no fun.

Now this is fun:

Sunday, September 14, 2008

A potpourri of sorts...

The weather in Portland has been beautiful. Sunny, warm days which cool off into lovely, crisp evenings. The perfect weather for driving, relaxing and exploring - which is exactly what we have done. Our big adventure this weekend consisted of cheese, the ocean and comics. First stop was Tillamook where we purchased cheddar cheese curds which is a taste sensation everyone should experience. Sadly, you can only purchase the curds *at* the factory, but it's worth the drive !

We had fun in Astoria and found an amazing comic book store which wa
s oddly enough called, Amazing Stories Comics & Games. Awesome store - elegantly put together and a great selection of books, figures and games. They have a location in Vancouver also, but it does not compare !

We had a truly yummy lunch at T. Paul's Urban Cafe. Quesadillas, sandwiches, chips, salsa and ambiance without being pretentious. I recently read on Wiki that The Goonies and Overboard were filled in Astoria -- how can you go wrong with that ?

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In The Kitchen


Back by popular demand is my version of the crustless quiche. I used to make this every weekend when I was faithfully low carbing. It's easy, tasty and the leftovers make an easy-to-go breakfast. While the measurements are all in my head and I typically make it with my eyes closed, here's the gist:

6-8 eggs

1/2 cup milk or cream
1/2 cup of mayo
fresh chopped spinach
salt/pepper
cayenne pepper
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Whisk it up, pour into a greased pie dish and bake for about 30-40 minutes at 350.

You can add in chopped bacon, ham, sausage, tomato, sauteed onion or mushrooms -- whatever you have around the kitchen that sounds good. I like to be creative and let the quiche take me where it wants to go.

Any blog post would not be complete without paying homage to Pioneer Woman. I utilized her Pot Roast recipe and it's in the oven now.

The cast of characters to the left, pre-preparation. That's Happy German Beer Guy in the blue. It's not a meal without his presence.

I added red wine to the beef broth while deglazing the pan. Also, added but not pictured is the garlic !

There is the end result before retiring to the oven. Now that says lovin' all over it.

Enjoy your Sunday and remember -- True Blood tonight !

Friday, September 12, 2008

So this vampire walks into a bar...

I'm a little late with the post, but True Blood made its television debut last Sunday. On a whim, I had picked up Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris sometime last year and really enjoyed it. It was quirky and fun, but it had a bit of an edge. I love picking up an unknown book and being pleasantly surprised. So soon after immersing myself in the Southern Vampire world, I learned that they would be making a TV series and have been anticipating it for the last 6 months.

The show is fun (like the books) but as with most books put into film, I was irritated with some of the casting and dazzled to see the world of Bon Temps in true colour. To me, Bill was the biggest glitch. While I think he smolders quite well, he was far from the gentleman I remember introduced in DUD. I think his look is a relatively good fit but his personality is a bit more edgy than it should be. Sam is portrayed as much younger than I ever imagined. At times, Sam has reminded me of Holling Vincoeur from Northern Exposure. Obviously, not exclusively, but there are similaries as far as personality and demeanor.

Tara is too ghettotastic.

Sookie is too A cup.

Picking aside, I think it's fun and will continue watching for now. While Eric hasn't been introduced yet, that's really what we're all waiting for, right ?

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I've been feeling "off" lately and I can't put my finger on it. I don't feel bad per se, but I feel achy and restless at times. It could be that I'm fighting something off but I haven't really had any other symptoms.

Wait.








Here's a random vision for you. As I go through life, I am plagued by lines from Rocky Horror. Mostly the audience participation lines. As I typed the ending to the previous sentence, "What about the nasty little symptom ?" screamed out in my brain. This happens often - not the symptoms, but the act of random Rocky Horror lines. Oi.

Now I
really feel off.

Friday, September 5, 2008

and life returns to the ebb and flow we knew...

So after the climatic moments we expected, we're back. I have refrained from posting about my Twilight finalization because I can't seem to find the words that will work with what I'm thinking.

The series was an emotional drain, but in a good way for the most part. I loved the characters. I loved the emotions the words brought forward in my being. I love the giddy-i-can't-wait-to read-again feeling I got while dancing through these books.

As a forgotten lover or your lost favorite pair of socks, I feel lonely.

Upon finishing, I found Breaking Dawn to be exciting and action packed. As I came down off my high, I felt jilted and awe struck at so many of the happenings (or lack thereof).

The pregnancy.
The transformation.
The "war".
The new characters.
The lack of Edward.
The name.
The lack of Alice.

The lack of magic.

This book appears to have been written in haste. The ending being brought to a quick and sloppy climax, only to come crashing down like a deck of ill placed cards.

Why have you forsaken me ?

I am not regretful to have read Breaking Dawn, don't get me wrong. I couldn't/wouldn't NOT have read it. But somehow, I feel sad. And as much as I thought I'd want to run back and begin Twilight all over again, I feel that throbbing pain one gets when they drive by an old lover's home or when you instinctively order what you always drank as a couple. I guess I just need time to heal and move on before I go down that path again.

"Hello Bill, it's been quite some time. How are you ? You look well...."

Other than the mundane broken heart, it's Friday ! This girl is ever-so-happy to be graced with another Friday and another disk of Lost to take her mind off the fresh mental paper cuts.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's over...

I'm done.

I finished BD last night.

Full review to follow...soon. Roderic is flying through Eclipse and as soon as he's finished, I'll spill.

I promise.

Now go have a good Tuesday. *grumblegrumble*

Saturday, August 30, 2008

This is me...

...letting it go.

Imagine, if you will, a bonfire burning brightly. The orange and red tongues lapping at the thick air. Strange shadows being cast upon the dark walls from the sensuous fire's dance.

Now, imagine me taking a few heavy thoughts...a few things from the day, still fresh from the core and heaving them into the fire. The flames consuming them....taking them away, into a pillar of murky, black smoke.

Ashes to Ashes:
1. Having to make the call to let someone know they lost their job. They don't get to return to work after the holiday weekend and that I'll talk to her about it more on Tuesday. I couldn't get a hold of her on Friday before leaving work and I couldn't leave the message or send the email in a heartless, cold fashion. I couldn't do it. So, I tossed and turned all night - dreamed about it, lost sleep over it and basically made myself sick. It's behind me now, but it's been hanging over me still.

2. Connecting with an old friend; someone who you have known for years and feeling the sting of rejection and not knowing why. Interpreting* an email as cool, aloof and having it hang on my heart and whisper softly that maybe they just don't really care anymore. Or maybe they can't....or don't want to ?

This is me tossing these thoughts to the winds tonight. Letting them go. I'm not going to dwell on them. I'm not going to allow myself to be consumed with the empathy that I so often fall victim to.

*I interpret and feel a lot. I am often right and typically go with what my heart tells me. This has, of course, gotten me into trouble in the past. Since it's gnawing at me, I need to just let it go if I want to have a decent weekend. So, not assuming anything, but letting it go, for now.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Catacombs of my dreams

So last night, I finished off the night with Chapter 24 in Eclipse. Victoria. Riley. The standoff.

I turned off the lights and tried to sleep. Since starting the Twilight series, I'm having a hard time sleeping right away. Not in a bad way, but I feel like my mind is buzzing after reading -- I'm kind of hyper, so it takes a little longer to fall asleep.

My dreams were odd.

I was in an odd city much like Tai-Tastigon in God Stalk. I was being followed, hunted and the two people I was with were trying to keep me safe...trying to keep the hunters off my track. I remember them laying traps, dropping sharp tacks and other various items in the alleys behind us as we rushed through this odd city, making our way back to the location where it was all going down.

It was a home. A beautiful, strange Victorian style home.

It was mine.

We rushed to the basement which turned out to be more of a confusing set of catacombs. I remember running deeper and deeper into the
basement. The descending path was a dirt floor. The beauty of the house had turned into more of a cavern now with a confusing set of labyrinth-like tunnels. I stopped and consoled the person who was with me - someone who now reminds me very much of Alice, but in my dream, she was actually more of a fairy type of being. The other individual was going to stay in the house, to delay them as long as possible.

The hall had opened up into a huge, relatively unfinished room with a few ornate doors set into the dirt walls and two paths that went down into a second level of the room. There were old, enormous gothic candelabrum lighting the room.
I remember throwing my arms out and jumping a bit as I ran into this area - like I knew I had arrived to where I needed to be. The air was remarkably cool since we were so far beneath the ground. I remember the way it hit my face and comforted me - I was hot from running and the sudden chill was perfect. The floor went deeper in two areas and the area below were smaller rooms. The middle sunken area was one large room - it was open with no doors but not visible from the main room. One could enter this lower area from two directions, so it didn't feel very safe. The sunken area that was a bit farther back was different. It had several caged in areas that bordered the path that went through it. Within each cage were odd little goblin type creatures that were not necessarily friends, but not foe either. I remember their beady eyes staring at me as I walked through to see if this was a better hiding space. This area was darker, less open and felt safer.

I realized I had been carrying a book with me this entire time.

The girl who had rushed down with me had told me I should hide in the middle area, but I couldn't do it because of how open it was. I decided to hide in the darker sunken area in the back of the room in one of the larger cages and read the book while I waited for them to find me and for the fight to begin.

+-
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

So, if you've read Eclipse, you see where this dream is coming from. However, unlike Bella, I'm getting my way and being allowed to taunt my foes directly into the fight rather than spending my time in a tent far, far away :)

I love dreams where you awake nearly drunk with emotions. Dreams that speak to you - that are suddenly apart of your psyche - and more than just your regular standard issued dreams.

So you get where I'm coming from, where my head is....on this lovely Friday morning.

Hyper Hyper !!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Truth

There is nothing for you to go back and live over, or fix, or feel regret about now. Every part of your life has unfolded just right. And so --now -- knowing all that you know from where you now stand, now what do you want? The answers are now coming forth to you. Go forth in joy, and get on with it.

Gently borrowed from the Abraham-Hicks Daily Quote.

I find this so wonderfully comforting in a way. In reality, there ARE so many things I've always thought I'd love to experience again...because of the beauty, the emotion, the sheer bliss of it all. Yet, when you ponder this idea, you have to accept the concept of taking the bad with the good and to experience everything again, I don't know.

Maybe ?


As I continue to blog about it, it's obvious I'm wrapped up in the world of Twilight. I'm actually fully aware that I will probably want to "revamp" (i.e., re-read the series - thank you TM) once I've finished Breaking Dawn. That is, unless BD makes me die a slow and silent death and I am unable to function ever again. I have always felt that life is too short to continue re-reading the same books. My list is long and I am surrounded by stacks and stacks of books -- but again, this is different.

This is Twilight
.

I've attempted to quench my passion for the series by spending time at the TM forums. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel absolutely overwhelmed by that site. While it's refreshing and sometimes freaky to read posts by others in a similar state of mind, I find myself unsure of where to start, unable to find the "right place" to jump in and frankly, I just feel awkward. It's amazing and strange to read posts by so many others who are swept up into the world of Twilight like a zombie plague. There are individuals from all walks of life, all ages, all genders, all nationalities that can't seem to get enough. I also can't help but feel like I'm coming in to this whole obsession a little late. The momentum that this series has created is incredible and awe inspiring and I'm desperately trying to get up to speed while keeping my sanity. I have felt that I'm usually in line with or before the wave -- yet, this one I missed - completely. I can think back on seeing the books at Costco, Barnes and Noble, Borders....yet, I avoided them. The covers are lovely and I remember seeing them and admiring them, yet, I didn't bother looking further ?! (I have found some awesome books just by loving the covers). My lack of knowledge or foresight is nearly a paranormal experience in and of itself.

And now the true fan-grrl declaration: I can't help but feel that MY connection is so different. Almost like having a smug superiority complex, but not in the ultra-bitchy kind of way.

(I do hope that last statement doesn't land me on a few hate lists ! I just need to try to get the thought process down !)


Supporting evidence as to why I am smug, superior and (ultra) bitchy ?

Yes, yes...I know. But see, if I start popping off with WHY then I will be tossed away into a dark room and the key will be hidden somewhere smelly and forbidden and I'll be missed.

By someone.

Maybe.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Adventure


I wanna have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know
My dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that is dead shall be re-grown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign
You will be fine

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin

Any type of love it will be shown
Like every single tree reach for the sky
If you're gonna fall
I'll let you know
That i will pick you up
Like you for i
I felt this thing
I can't replace
When everyone was working for this goal
Where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold
To recite this all

Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Tonight
Hey oh here I am
And here we go
Life's waiting to begin

I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me
I can not live
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me

Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey oh, here I am (do this with me)
Here we go
Life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin

The Adventure, by Angels & Airwaves

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Why ?

I'm slowly, slowly reading Eclipse...I think I'm on chapter 3. I find myself savoring each page, slowly. It's sick, isn't it ?

So, this crazy, numb sickness has me thinking. I've been wanting to post - to dive into all the ideas that are floating around in my brain - but it's too fresh. It's something I can't put a finger on just yet. So, I caved and went to TwilightMoms to read about what other "adults" had to say. One particular poster (imarriededward) seemed to say something interesting,

"As for this strange addiction.... I am an Educational Psychologist. I have been wracking my brain for why I have responded in this strange manner to a book. Why so many women have responded this way to a book. Particularly grown women. I myself was very embarrassed that I should feel this way about a Young Adult book. I felt I was above that, being a fan of the Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, etc..... Adult books. But these books have never affected me in this way. I have read Jane Austen's works several times, over and over, but never the same book just after I have finished it. I have never read them during the day, not able to put them down or complete my daily activities. But here is what I have come up with. You may not agree, but I am confounded by this response so many of us have. So this is the best I can do:

First of all, what seems to be so good about Stephenie Meyer's writing is that it is so easy to connect with Bella. You think something, and then you read that she is thinking the same thing. You feel something and then she feels it. The emotions and thoughts you are having are those that you may have had at a younger stage in life with a first love. That thumping of the heart, thrills sent down your spine, blushes rushing to your cheeks. These physiological responses are in themselves addicting. They feel wonderful. When you read Stephenie's books, you have these incredible feelings like you are walking on a cloud. Just like with a first love, you find yourself thinking about it all day long. Because just thinking about it evokes a shadow or trace of these physiological experiences.This is addicting. You read the books over and over again to experience these same physiological responses.

Now, why does it affect girls ages 12 to ?. While our bodies may be getting older, our minds do not, and they still are able to crave these experiences as though we were 18 and having them for the first time. In fact, they make us feel as if we were 18 again, which is reinforcing in and of itself for those of us who wish we were not aging so quickly.

Just a theory"

When I read this, I almost cried. Not because it was so spot on, but because it gave such a realistic, normal explanation to what I had been going through and suddenly, I felt old.

On a day to day basis, I don't feel old. I feel pretty much as I always have, with a few slight exceptions. Exceptions aside, I feel that I have become wiser and perhaps more insightful, but I don't feel old. I won't cave into this particular post from the lovely "imarriededward" 100%. (btw, odd that an "Educational Psychologist" chose such a chipper screen name ?) I have other items, thoughts, memories that send tingles up my spine as I read this series..........memories that are TOO spot on. Similarities in relationships that make me put the book down to rethink things. I often need time to sort my thoughts, draw the lines and try to move on.

These days, I often think, "why can't I be reading one of the books from the Southern Vampire series ?" I would be engrossed and tantalized, but not a walking zombie girl full of angst. *sneers*

In other news, this girly is off to the coast tomorrow afternoon to see my parents for the weekend. I will be equipped with Eclipse, a camera and an Americano big enough for Tibet.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Swooning

That's how it ends. After finishing New Moon, I'm swooning. And absolutely obsessed. I skipped through Twilight a bit slower, edging myself back and trying to read with an even and steady, but not devouring pace. I was up too late several nights, but I forced the breaks and was satisfied with my restrain. Regardless of the control, I felt like I was walking in a daze several days - caught up in the emotion of the book. At times, unable to keep myself from entirely sinking into the depths of it all.

New Moon - I started on Saturday at 9am and really had to force myself to stop last night - I read the last chapter this morning. While I can now say that I really enjoyed NM, I didn't feel that way the entire time. I was miserable while reading. I had a gaping hole in my chest also as I didn't really want to believe what I was reading. By the last few chapters, I was feeling better, hopeful.....alive again. I feel like it's ok to relax, that things are back the way they should be. There were several times in NM where I felt Stephenie added too many adverse emotions - it bordered on showing its true nature of being a teen novel. I was swept back to memories of Judy Blume books and the over written angst. Obviously, those were brief moments but still present, at times. Or perhaps those were my own emotions being interjected - the desire...no, the NEED to have things work out as I felt they had to and my irritation at the characters fighting the inevitable.

I already feel absolute dread for Breaking Dawn. It's all unfounded - I haven't read a thing about it, but just knowing that others are so unhappy with it, I'm already fearful. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though - Eclipse is next....today. I'll try to pace myself a bit more again since I already feel the intense fear of reading too quickly, having it all over too soon and being left alone.

In other news, I haven't done a damn thing this weekend other than read, sitting in front of my beloved a/c unit. Part of me would like to do the same thing today as soon as I get my hands on Eclipse, but I won't....I can't. I need to give my head a break from the fantasy - I have laundry to be done and I need to get out to remind myself of what I really have going in my little corner of the world. May I add that it was HOT yesterday - like, really, really hot and muggy. I suppose that made it easy to stay perched in front of the icy breeze. Today should be better....still hot, but not as unbearable.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Bag and The Messenger

The perfect messenger bag - resolved. I found this at at Barnes & Noble tonight (the store, not online). Finally, the right size bag, several compartments, not just plain and boring, but not stupid, plastic and girly. Snapped pockets, a zippered pocket, places for pens/small items, a key hook, an outside zippered area........ah. The design which appears to be grey in the picture is much more subdued in person....it's perfect !!

Also, New Moon.

I'm nearly done with Twilight, but not quite. I knew I could NOT finish Twilight without an arsenal of words to follow it......so, that's handled for the time being.

For those who may have not heard, Twilight the movie is being pushed up to November 21st, 2008 while HP is being nudged back to next year.

Sorry, Harry.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Zen & Blood

Zen

I realized that the airing of negativity may be wrong for this little corner of my world. Actually, I struggle with the rightness/wrongness of it all. While I think it can be healthy to rant, I also listen to the idea that you will harvest what you sow. Or more eloquently put, "When you focus upon lack in an attitude of complaining, you establish a vibrational point of attraction that then gives you access only to more thoughts of complaint. Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone that will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you. "

So, is it harmful or helpful to get the irritation out of one's mind by writing about it or not ? Allowing it to bounce around in one's head isn't the answer. Not allowing yourself to label it as irritating in the first place is the best answer, but I'd have to be Ghandi to achieve that level of awareness and peace.

Ranting is part of my love for writing - the freedom to express - freedom to be sarcastic - the ability to take a moment and lay the words across the screen in a way that makes everyone who reads it feel that moment as if they were witness to it. As my mom has and will continue to say, "Kimberley, don't be so critical". But, but....that's just who I am. I suppose the previous post just bothered me -- like, I came back to my little corner and fouled the air here with garbage that means nothing.

nam-yo-ho-renge-kyo
________________________________

Blood

While so many of the thoughts running through my mind will seriously label me as a pathetic fan-grrl, I have to share.

I am so loving Twilight.

There, I said it. It's nearly indescribable how it makes me feel and all the scattered pieces of memories it brings back from various times in my past. The butterflies have yet to cease and as so many have said, I find myself obsessed with reading and reading and reading. The writing is simple and fast, yet somehow the story is magical. I would not have expected a "teen novel" to carry quite so much emotion/drama and have the ability to have such an intense hold on me. That sounds completely insane, doesn't it ? My love for vampire literature goes way back, but Twilight is special...somehow.

I'm staring at the blinking cursor and am completely at a loss for words. Perhaps I should stop my Twilight update now....without going into pitiful descriptions there's not much else to be said.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Handbasket

I'm going straight to hell for venting but dammit, it's MY blog and if I want to vent, I just will.

1. Admit you're wrong. Seriously, there is nothing that I hate more than to have a conversation where someone is wrong and they won't admit defeat. I recently had a conversation where it went down that there was NO possible way that it was the way I said it was.

Well, it is.

But, I couldn't start shooting off links to prove my point because I'm just not like that AND I didn't want to be the annoying girl that always has to be right. So I will quietly bitch about it here.

2. Annoying message board girl. Ok, we've seen 15k pictures of you. The sheer magnitude of space used is enough to choke Google. You're young, hip and think you are just about the best thing since Sham-Wow. Get over yourself. We GET that you love your cat but honestly, each time the cat meows, you don't need to start a new thread about it.

And if you INSIST on posting another 15k pictures, quit with the duckbill-lips look already. We already have the creepy twins to epitomize this picture perfect moment for all of eternity.

/rant

See, the second part is why I really should stay far, far away from message boards and have my lovely online friends visit me here :)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Twilight

As many individuals recently have, I started reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. I've been reading Working for the Devil and for whatever reason, it's been oh-so-hard to get into. Perhaps it's that I try reading when we go to bed - and by that point, I'm ready to collapse most nights. Or maybe it's because I just can't get into the style of writing. Or perhaps it's something else. Either way, I've been missing that desperate feeling one gets when they want to read the book they have going on because it's so gripping/good/enjoyable (or pick a different word that works for you - there are several to choose from and they're small).

For the record, I find Twilight teases me enough to continue reading....urging me to turn yet another page and another. The beautiful characters performing in just a way across the text that makes it quite difficult to put down. And with that said, I guess it appeals to my inner vampire fangrrl....my young, pale skinned, wide eyed girl that eats up a good vampire-in-love-tale as the next. As crazy as this sounds, I think I can literally feel the butterflies in Bella's stomach as the tale progresses. I can nearly taste the yearning for acceptance, for excitement, for something new outside of what life has currently offered.

Yum.

From what I've seen of the pictures from the upcoming movie, I'm not entirely impressed with the selection for Edward.

He's not handsome enough.

Dude, at all.

Ummm.....ew.

/inner vampire fangrrl

Aside from the disturbing picture above, as I've stated previously, I am totally enjoying the writing, the quick reading and the fun, easy drama that is woven throughout the fabric of the story. It's what I needed. At this point, I totally see myself devouring this saga of books for awhile.

Prior to Twilight, the last vampire saga I was involved with was Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire Series. From what I've read, they are similar in the sense that they are quick, enthralling and written in a way that makes it fun for the reader. Purely from a reading and longing standpoint, Edward is much yummier than Bill. Yet, at this point, Bill's maturity from being alive quite as long as he has, is more attractive than Edward. I haven't actually learned how long Edward has been around just yet - but if I had to guess, not as long as Bill. Eric, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. He has the fiery, young masculinity that makes my heart go pitter patter.

What more could a girl ask for ? (especially a girl with a hungry inner vampire grrl). Go, buy Twilight and join the herd as I have. Don't be ashamed, we have cookies over here.

Lexicon Devil

I should have posted about this on Friday - for the movie's debut.

I'm a lexicon devil with a battered brain
And I'm searchin' for a future-
the world's my aim
So gimme gimme your hands-
gimme gimme your minds
Gimme gimme this-
gimme gimme tha-yea-yea-t...

I want toy tin soldiers that can push and shove
I want gunboy rovers that'll wreck this club
I'll build you up and level your heads
We'll run it my way cold men and politics dead...

[Chorus]

I'll get silver guns to drip old blood
Let's give this established joke a shove
We're gonna wreak havoc on the rancid mill
I'm searchin' for something even if I'm killed...

[Chorus]

Empty out your pockets-
you don't need their change
I'm giving you the power to rearrange
Together we'll run to the highest prop
Tear it down and let it drop...away...

[Chorus]