Why ?

I'm slowly, slowly reading Eclipse...I think I'm on chapter 3. I find myself savoring each page, slowly. It's sick, isn't it ?

So, this crazy, numb sickness has me thinking. I've been wanting to post - to dive into all the ideas that are floating around in my brain - but it's too fresh. It's something I can't put a finger on just yet. So, I caved and went to TwilightMoms to read about what other "adults" had to say. One particular poster (imarriededward) seemed to say something interesting,

"As for this strange addiction.... I am an Educational Psychologist. I have been wracking my brain for why I have responded in this strange manner to a book. Why so many women have responded this way to a book. Particularly grown women. I myself was very embarrassed that I should feel this way about a Young Adult book. I felt I was above that, being a fan of the Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, etc..... Adult books. But these books have never affected me in this way. I have read Jane Austen's works several times, over and over, but never the same book just after I have finished it. I have never read them during the day, not able to put them down or complete my daily activities. But here is what I have come up with. You may not agree, but I am confounded by this response so many of us have. So this is the best I can do:

First of all, what seems to be so good about Stephenie Meyer's writing is that it is so easy to connect with Bella. You think something, and then you read that she is thinking the same thing. You feel something and then she feels it. The emotions and thoughts you are having are those that you may have had at a younger stage in life with a first love. That thumping of the heart, thrills sent down your spine, blushes rushing to your cheeks. These physiological responses are in themselves addicting. They feel wonderful. When you read Stephenie's books, you have these incredible feelings like you are walking on a cloud. Just like with a first love, you find yourself thinking about it all day long. Because just thinking about it evokes a shadow or trace of these physiological experiences.This is addicting. You read the books over and over again to experience these same physiological responses.

Now, why does it affect girls ages 12 to ?. While our bodies may be getting older, our minds do not, and they still are able to crave these experiences as though we were 18 and having them for the first time. In fact, they make us feel as if we were 18 again, which is reinforcing in and of itself for those of us who wish we were not aging so quickly.

Just a theory"

When I read this, I almost cried. Not because it was so spot on, but because it gave such a realistic, normal explanation to what I had been going through and suddenly, I felt old.

On a day to day basis, I don't feel old. I feel pretty much as I always have, with a few slight exceptions. Exceptions aside, I feel that I have become wiser and perhaps more insightful, but I don't feel old. I won't cave into this particular post from the lovely "imarriededward" 100%. (btw, odd that an "Educational Psychologist" chose such a chipper screen name ?) I have other items, thoughts, memories that send tingles up my spine as I read this series..........memories that are TOO spot on. Similarities in relationships that make me put the book down to rethink things. I often need time to sort my thoughts, draw the lines and try to move on.

These days, I often think, "why can't I be reading one of the books from the Southern Vampire series ?" I would be engrossed and tantalized, but not a walking zombie girl full of angst. *sneers*

In other news, this girly is off to the coast tomorrow afternoon to see my parents for the weekend. I will be equipped with Eclipse, a camera and an Americano big enough for Tibet.